Tuesday, December 31, 2013
I think my husband is worried about me.
The last few months, with everything going on with my mom, it's been hard. And I'm struggling. I haven't wanted to go out much. Truthfully, my 5ks and the gym the last month have really been about it besides the every day stuff like the grocery store and work. I haven't want to socialize at all, and have found it difficult to relate to people lately.
I was winding down for bed last night and my husband came in the bedroom and said, "D says drinks and Cards Against Humanity tomorrow." I shrugged and said I didn't really feel like going out on New Year's Eve. Which is pretty much always true, because I worry about drunk drivers. Though I would like to see D's wife, M, she had an skating accident last week... she stopped short trying not to run over a small child that had stopped quickly in front of her and fell on her face, it was really bad.
Anyway, my husband came back about five minutes later, and said, "Are you sure you don't want to go? They're making food and they might make hotwings." I just shrugged again. Hotwings used to be out thing. There used to be a local dive bar not far from D and M's house that had cheap beer and all you can eat hotwings on Monday nights, but they closed about a year ago.
About five minutes after that the husband came in and said, "B and A are coming." This another couple that we know. I haven't seen A since the beginning of the summer probably. Finally I gave in.
It's funny how the tables turn. My husband suffers from very serious social anxiety. The first few years we were married he only left the house to go to work. He couldn't go to the grocery store without having a panic attack. And he wouldn't see a doctor about it. I often used tactics like this to try and get my husband to leave the house, and it rarely worked and he often ended up physically ill.
Then he he got interested in a local maker/hacker group that was starting out about three years ago, and I can't explain it but it changed my husband's life. And that's also how we met the above mentioned friends.
I don't feel like being social. And, I feel guilty about having a good time. But I also know I probably need my friends now more than ever.