Monday, December 30, 2013
I'm back though. After Thanksgiving things kind of went south for a little while. I've had some emotional issues to deal with and some serious re-evaluation to be done. After a lot of self recrimination and soul searching I have decided that it's time to eliminate negative influences from my life. I tend to hold onto people much longer than I should as a rule and I need to learn to give over and give up.
It feels wrong to walk away from these people because in some cases they have been a part of my life for a very long time. I realized however that in some cases I'm holding onto the friendship not out of loyalty or because I care enough but because I feel I am deserting them. On the other hand I have clearly allowed these people to steal my power. I am catering to their mood swings or whatever else they have happening because they need someone in their corner. I've decided I can't be that person any longer.
I'm sad, very very sad that this is happening and I'm really struggling with it. Since I have come to this realization I have deliberately cut back on communications with these individuals. I have limited my social media interaction in general and in particular with these two and ... nothing. I don't know what I expected, or maybe I did. I guess I had hoped that they would recognize the distance, miss my presence in their lives and make amends for the things they had said and/or done. It was a silly and hopeless fantasy.
So I'm sad and I'm a little angry with myself for feeling this way. I have been letting this situation take over my life and as a result I have not been doing the things I need to do to get healthy and strong. That ends today though. I'm going to get back on track and start eating healthy again. I'm not going to allow this whole mess to take me out of the loop again.
My daughter bought me a Fitbit for Christmas and I've already begun using it. I love that she thought of me but more important was the message that came with it. "I believe in you" she said. "I know you can do this and I know you will." With that kind of power behind me I can't lose.
Okay off to track my breakfast and first snack.