Sunday, December 29, 2013
I'm afraid my blood sugar has headed up, my weight up, my energy way down. I need to make 2014 my year to recoup my health. My husband is doing pretty well. Because of his Barret's disease he can only eat so much at a time and he has to eat it slowly....to prevent too much acid reflux. So in a way it's helping him to diet. My mom is slowly going out with protest all the way. She's still angry with me for the nursing home but she's figured out how to leave this world her own way. Not taking pills part of the time, not eating part of the time, ripping her clothes off when she decides. For Christmas I brought her a miniature yellow rose and cinnamon roll (which she loves). She did eat the whole roll with some coffee. Then she asked what was that she was drinking as it was really good. The nurse is letting her sleep in if she wants, to eat what she wants, basically because she feels mom is winding down and getting closer to passing on. And mom said she just wants to be left alone so I do understand. I have to fight my instinct to make her do things that she no longer wants to do. My stress is less now because she does have care and I don't have to dread going to her apartment and finding her on the floor dead with broken bones. I've felt so lousy, feeling worse every day. I go to the YMCA with my husband but it's getting harder to do the workout so I know I can't go on like this or I'll end up in the hospital. So I'm using a low carb/high carb diet that worked well for me this summer. Trying to use foods that I will continue to eat, eating smaller portions every 3 hours instead of just grazing all day. I find some of my eating is boredom...just something to do. So now I'm adding taking a short 10 min. walk multiple times a day to get the blood moving. I'm so impatient....I want success now. I have to keep reminding myself that my health is at real risk if I don't keep trying.