Saturday, December 28, 2013
Accomplish blog and jokes for Saturday
My affirmation for the day:
1. I am a Support person to all my family and friends
2. I am becoming a fast learner
3. I. Am a optimistic in training
4. I a can be fun
5Llately I become very Catholic..
I am today grateful for
1. Getting the house clean early
:2 my sister and pup
3. my job
4 for not needing a evening nap
5 for a couple hours of me time tonight
Positive events of today:
1 morning—good shopping with my family
2 afternoon- = good walk with my sis and pup
3, evening-getting some me time this evening
OKAY NOW FOR THE JOKES hopefully they funny
Winters are fierce in Minnesota where he lives, so the owner of a construction project felt he was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman.
Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the project manager asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?"
The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty."
"Why don't you wear them?" The Project Manager said.
The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me lunch, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"
It Was So Cold that
We had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
Hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
Roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
When I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!
The optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!
Kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"
Pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!
The squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!
I chipped a tooth on my soup!
Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!
People with traffic tickets would plead guilty and beg for the electric chair!
Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!
We had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.
We had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!
When we milked the cows, we got ice cream! When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!
Words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!
The dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!
Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.
We pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!
The Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started!