Saturday, December 28, 2013
I just shared this with a SP friend after she successfully maintained through Christmas. I am proud of those who made it!!!! Yay! I maintained through Christmas last year too. BUT this year, I TESTED myself---this is not wise!!!!
I failed the test!
I am not yet to a place (and probably never will be) where I can allow myself to let go---I can't stop easily. Sometimes I eat myself into a stupor almost.
It has taken me 3 days to get things back in control. I realize that I do not have normal signals in my brain that say stop, you've had enough. I have to consciously be aware of what is going in my mouth. That is just the way it is!
Last Saturday I gave myself permission to bake (my husband loves me to bake cookies and treats) and eat a 'few' cookies, then over the course of the past week I added a few cups of sangria, a little bit of dressing, noodles, a piece of banana bread, candy, more cookies, ham, more sangria, more banana bread, more candy, more cookies, more ham, rolls . . . and today, I am TEN pounds UP! Oh, My, My, My!!!!! (Surely, some of it is water . . .) -- ONE WEEK!?
Today (and yesterday and the day before) I am feeling weighed down, sluggish and a mess! BUT, the good news is I am back on track! The trigger food events are done and the food is gone! I'm back to a good and healthy eating regime! Thank goodness! A couple days ago I was gripped with a very real fear of a total loss of control! I never want to go through the extreme weight gain/loss experience again and this experience was an eye opener. (Not that I was unaware, but thought I'd come along well enough to 'let go' for the holiday's--after all it's just a week and I should be able to maintain SOME restraint . . . ha!)
My lesson of the year: NEVER give a food addict a week off.
(. . . . a meal now and then, but not a week.)