Friday, December 27, 2013
For the first time since my ex husband left me in September 2008, I have an honest to goodness date. And it's on New Year's Eve. And it's a guy I graduated high school with. We are both from northeastern Ohio and now live in Raleigh. Weird, huh?!! Small world! Both single...although he doesn't have any kids yet.
I didn't talk to him much in high school but always knew who he was. I find it so cool, and kind of strange, that he contacted me through facebook seemingly out of the blue, last month. I moved to Raleigh January 2005, he moved here last June. What's even stranger is he is literally a 10 minute drive from me.
I am excited and nervous about our date. I told him to decide what to do, and if he picks to go out to a bar I'll help him navigate since he's still pretty unfamiliar with downtown (and I worked in downtown Raleigh for years so I know my way around pretty well). I am excited because he seems to be a really good guy, always has seemed that way. But I am nervous because I am about 75 pounds heavier than the last time he saw me, in school. I mean, we graduated in 2001, it's been almost 12 years...but I hate to show up and him having not realized how big I am now... and regret asking me on a date. I am SO insecure!! So for the next few days I'm kind of pushing myself to work out and try to drop a few pounds, at least to feel better about myself. Plus, I notice when I lose weight I tend to lose it in my face first, my belly second. Even just a tiny bit will boost my confidence. I'm too chicken and too smart to do anything risky, though. So if he sees me and doesn't like me, I'll know he isn't a good choice for me. But if I'm lucky he'll like me regardless. Better yet, he'll have realized I'm a bit bigger and still have invited me out on a date (my facebook pictures are slightly deceiving...most of them are only of my face, but there ARE some of me in a dress sitting at a Halloween party looking kind of chunky)....one can hope.
I hate feeling so insecure. I just want to lose this weight, not just to look good, but to feel good about myself. That is way more important to me. I don't mind having scars from having big babies, but this belly fat is such a drain on my self esteem. My legs and back are SO strong and muscular...why can't my belly just sort of go away on its own? :P
I am down 9 pounds from last month though, so that's good. Here's to 3-4 more by Tuesday night. O_O