Thursday, December 26, 2013
I haven't seen my college age daughter since August when she left for school. I picked her up from the airport on Saturday for her Christmas break. She hugged me hard and then said, "Holy sh%#!*, mom. How much weight have you put on?"
Before you point out her rudeness, you have to understand that this poor kid has spent a good chunk of her childhood being forced on hikes, bike rides, camping trips, walks, early morning DVD workouts, and so on. She has listened to many of my rants and ravings about my weight and ridden the roller coaster of my emotions from despair to joy. When she was a teenager who needed my focus, I was often focused on myself and the constant distraction of my battle with weight. She's spent hours at the child watch at the gym until she was old enough to stay home and babysit her younger sisters while I was out exercising. She's lived through tofu, veggie bacon, and green salads for dinner. She's been denied ice cream and fast food because I wasn't able to control myself if these things were around me. And don't forget her having to overhear the bickering and unhappiness my weight problems have caused between my husband and I. She gave up taking sides ages ago.
You can't say she hasn't sacrificed a lot being my child. And I suppose she's angry that I'm still no closer to solving my problems than I was when she was a little girl playing My Little Pony on the floor next to me while I did my an exercises. It's probably the same feeling someone gets when you have Uncle Joe a place to live, a job, and an escape from the streets only to see Uncle Joe throw it all away and return to the life of an addict. There's no logic to it and it slowly tears people apart when they realize the your love and concern for them isn't enough to overcome your addiction.
We haven't spoken a word about my weight since then. And I have made very certain that I haven't whined or complained about it either. But I did bother to weigh myself to see just how much I have gained.... I weigh 217 this morning. No wonder she was so shocked to see me like this.
I have no takeaway for this blog entry. I'm speechless really.