What is wrong with me??
Thursday, December 26, 2013
I haven't felt like this since July. All I want to do is eat, like non stop eating. I'm full and I want to eat. I'm bloated and stuffed and have a major food baby, but yet I still want to eat! I want sweets, I want carbs, I want cake, I want pie, I want sugar, I want pizza. OMG, pizza would be fantastic. Like if it wasn't Christmas, I'd highly consider going to the store and buying pizza, oh, or mac and cheese! Like holy crap, give it to me, NOW!
I don't know what's wrong with me. This craving has lasted DAYS. Is it PMS? Is it just my body's bianual GIVE ME FOOD phase? (the last time this happened was around June-August). I mentally can't handle this. I feel like I'm going to crack. The thing is, i know if I eat pizza (which I REALLY, REALLY want), I might die (the last time I had dairy, my lips started to tingle. So anaphylaxis, no, but on its way without an epipen? Yes!).
Like holy crap, give me the food, like seriously. Where is it? Are you hiding it? Yes, I've had quite a large amount of wine, but still, that doesn't explain this food craving.
I made sweet potato pancakes this morning (DELICIOUS!!! - http://primalnoms.wordpress.co
pancakes/) I had the entire batch for breakfast and lunch - at least I got my protein in! And then when I got off work (yes, I worked today, on Christmas. Oh well), I had some veggie stock (the rest of the soup was used, so it was just the stock left!), a garden salad, an artichoke, some chicken and some cauliflower. So not all that much. I was STUFFED after the sweet potatoes - major food baby, as I mentioned.
I still want to eat though! I just wish I could give into the craving and give my body what it wants. I'm just allergic to what I want. This is awful. I keep eating, I'm full, I keep eating, I want, I NEED. This is beyond my body telling me, it's my brain that's screwed up. Having an impulse/OCD disorder isn't helping, in fact, I think it's stemming this. I'm considering going to the Employee Assistant Program (EAP) at work. We get 6 free therapy sessions a year (did you know the average client get's "healed" in 4 sessions? Yeah freaking right, it took me 5 years to get past my dermatillomania!). So I think I'm going to go and just get advice about eating. I was doing so well and continued to lose weight and lose body fat, but this past week I can't stop eating. I wasn't starving myself in the prior months, I was eating normally (still not enough protein) and I wasn't hungry. But I totally am now. But is it just PMS?
GIVE ME FOOD!! I've even resorted to NOT buying food. No more powdered peanut butter, no more almonds, no more ... uh, that's it. Those are my go to snack foods and they're gone. So anything I want to eat? I need to cook. Completely ok with me, it's portion control (ish). Veggies take some time to cook so it isn't like I can open my fridge and grab a handful of almonds. But my god I just want to eat. I'm freaking out. Help me!