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late nite funnies

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The U.S. Post Office announced that today is the busiest shipping day of the year. 600 million packages were shipped today, and as many as 500,000 of those will actually be delivered. -Jay Leno

An entrepreneur has made a device that can prevent the NSA from spying on you by blocking your laptop’s camera. This new high-tech device is called a small piece of tape. -Conan O'Brien

I’m happy for China. Sending a rover to the moon is really impressive. These days our government can’t even get a website to work. -Craig Ferguson

George Zimmerman is auctioning an original painting for $100,000. $100,000? Man, this guy is getting away with murder. -Stephen Colbert

Oh, joy, Christmas Eve. By this time tomorrow, millions of Americans, knee-deep in tinsel and wrapping paper, will utter those heartfelt words, 'Is this all I got?' --Kelsey Grammer on FRASIER

Last week, the city of Boston sparked controversy when it renamed the giant spruce tree in Boston Common a holiday tree instead of a Christmas tree. Also, the city's nativity scene will now be referred to as the Holiday Homeless Family. --Tina Fey

Here's a holiday shopping tip. Here's what I do and it works pretty good. When you're buying your Christmas tree, be sure to bring along a pair of scissors, so when you find the perfect tree, you can just cut that little tag off that says "sold". --Jay Leno
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