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    COWGIRLCUTIE   9,718
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Monday, December 23, 2013

WARNING! This is a pessimistic complainer post. It is not going to have anything upbeat in it anywhere. I don't actually expect anyone to read it I just want to get my thoughts out.

Why do I even try? It seems over the past month every step I make is met with a sledge hammer pushing me back 3 steps. Its with everything. My whole life. Its not just in my efforts for a healthy lifestyle its everywhere. I try to work out but I can probably count on one hand the days I haven't been sick in one form or another. Is this an excuse? Maybe but I'm going to use it even if it is.

I'm not going to expound on the problems in my personal life but I am going to say I thought things were looking up for me and my husband and over the last two weeks it has just rained chaos and sadness upon me. NOTHING seems to be going right. Frustrated barely begins to describe how I feel.

And my faith is in shambles. I have pretty weak faith anyway, although I am trying to build it up, and with everything that is going on in my life I feel like God doesn't even know I exist. I was raised to believe that I am a child of God but I must be the one he gave up on, at least that is how I feel. He keeps handing me trials and I could really just use a blessing. Just one, it doesn't have to be big, just some glimmer of hope letting me know that He does know I exist and he does want good things for me.

I just feel like lying down and letting life run me over because it is already trying to run me over, I may as well just let it.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NELSONCHERYL59 12/24/2013 6:26AM

    I so appreciate how u feel. Life is not easy, nor fare and God sometimes seems distant... those were some of the reasons i used to drink and drug. But, in recovery, i have learned that those r only moments. They do pass, usually not as quickly as i would like though. And the horrendous emotions that i feel in those moments can easily overwhelm me. So, i try to share them with others, as u r doing, feel validated and loved and know that i am not alone.
my recovery mtg yesterday talked about these pieces of our life fitting together in a beautiful mosiac (i am sure i didnot spell that right). The mosiac has dark pieces and light pieces to create a beautiful work of art. Much like our lives, which need good times and bad to balance us out, to help us to learn and grow, and to appreciate the blessings that will follow... hang in there my friend, this will pass and blessings will follow.
thoughts and prayers to u

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AWESOMECHELZ 12/23/2013 10:20PM

    I have felt like that many times in my life so I understand that desperation. I know I can't fix it for you and I wish I could. What I can say is that please don't give up. Life is hell sometimes but not forever even if it feels that way. This time a year things tend to feel miserable but the holidays will be over soon. I would encourage you to call your doctor so you have a local support. And ride your horses if you can. Animals and nature are great escapes. emoticon Thanks for trusting us to share. emoticon

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JUDYAMK 12/23/2013 9:14PM

    STOP STOP STOP!!!!!! God hears every cry coming from you, every tear you shed.Yes we have trials ,but you know our faith is tested during those trials . We are to draw nearer to him not shake our fist at him and say hurry up God don't you know I am hurting??
I know your pain I know the longing for God to release this pain, I know the feeling of gee God what about me don't I count?
Our family 5 brothers & my self & my Mother prayed for years for our father to change ,Mom always taught us hate what he is doing to us not him,the brutality was beyond you could ever imagine. He was in World War two the Battle of the Bulge, you see when he came home from war and started to have us kids he thought we were the enemy, can you imagine children that were just in grade school. We were made fun of by others for praying because they thought he would never change. Mom took us 6 kids and hid for a long time to escape from his pain. Years later he met a minister my Dad accepted the Lord as his Savior seven years before he died. can you imagine all those years of prayer, God heard ,but the timing was His not ours
Remember Job in the Bible he had it all & it was all taken from him,but Job never turned his back on God or blamed God We must remember Job.Trials actually make us stronger just let God work through them with you,open the word he will guide you. I will be praying for you
Take care emoticon

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