Monday, December 23, 2013
WARNING! This is a pessimistic complainer post. It is not going to have anything upbeat in it anywhere. I don't actually expect anyone to read it I just want to get my thoughts out.
Why do I even try? It seems over the past month every step I make is met with a sledge hammer pushing me back 3 steps. Its with everything. My whole life. Its not just in my efforts for a healthy lifestyle its everywhere. I try to work out but I can probably count on one hand the days I haven't been sick in one form or another. Is this an excuse? Maybe but I'm going to use it even if it is.
I'm not going to expound on the problems in my personal life but I am going to say I thought things were looking up for me and my husband and over the last two weeks it has just rained chaos and sadness upon me. NOTHING seems to be going right. Frustrated barely begins to describe how I feel.
And my faith is in shambles. I have pretty weak faith anyway, although I am trying to build it up, and with everything that is going on in my life I feel like God doesn't even know I exist. I was raised to believe that I am a child of God but I must be the one he gave up on, at least that is how I feel. He keeps handing me trials and I could really just use a blessing. Just one, it doesn't have to be big, just some glimmer of hope letting me know that He does know I exist and he does want good things for me.
I just feel like lying down and letting life run me over because it is already trying to run me over, I may as well just let it.