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    ISAVEDME80   18,788
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Feeling empty

Monday, December 23, 2013

Well things haven't been good here as you can tell from my past posts this last year has been very hard on our family.
my uncles killing himself opened my eyes to a lot of stuff and a lot of anger toward the way he did things to lead to that way out. and lot sadness also because this is the first year since mom passed away that my dad actually has a girlfriend who is living with him. its really really hard for me seeing my dad with someone else. especially since the girl is 34 and im only 33 and especially since i never saw him hug mom or kiss her or hold her hand and be sweet, he was in fact downright hateful to her and to us his 3 kids. its very hard but the person i am i've been there for him and supported him the last 6 months while he ran himself down to nothing while using every penny to buy things for this girl while she has been in drug rehab or spending money on gas to go stay the weekend in hotels to spend the weekend day with her.
its been really hard for me because my dad was severely abusive to me all my life, but i feel in my heart God wanted me to help him because two wrong don't make it a right...

My brother didn't end up divorcing his wife, which makes me sad because nothing has changed, she left for one whole day and was back the next morning and she is just as unpleasant as always.
and even went a step above in lying to my brother and telling my brother and me she was pregnant.
so that hurt a lot to find out she lied to me after she sat there for an hour with me acting excited telling me how they were going to name the baby after our mom if she was a girl to honor our moms memory.
idk but i pray that one day my brother will have the strength to get her out of his life.
as for Christmas ill be spending it alone here with grandma. its all icy an snow here and she wont leave the house and i cant leave her alone so there will be no Christmas.
OOh well. maybe next year it will be different but im going to just cry this one out and hope God will be with us and keep me a little stronger next year.
Only good news I have to report is that I finally got some money back on the floor that I sued the guy for in Jan. only half what I paid him but I was tired of fighting so i gave up.
something is better than nothing.
merry Christmas to those who have loved ones, and those who have lost ones this year. they are all in heaven now and safe.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUMPINJULIE 12/30/2013 11:34PM

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BELLACUDDLES 12/26/2013 8:50AM

    Let God take over this situation and keep your mind full of positive thoughts for YOU and your life! May God bless you this wonderful season and all the best for 2014!!

Hugs,
Barbara

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BARCLE 12/26/2013 12:47AM

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CAKAROO 12/25/2013 8:17AM

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PATTYKLAVER 12/24/2013 9:31AM

    My family has been in turmoil the past 5 months. I've dealt with my dad passing, an alcoholic sister who stirs the pot whenever she can, etc. So I know how frustrating family can be. I was mad and defensive for awhile. In fact, I probably still am. But I woke up this morning deciding to enjoy the holiday anyway. I will avoid my sister and concentrate on the reason for the season. I wish peace for you and your Grandma. I believe just the 2 of you can have a wonderful evening together. I bet that she has wonderful stories to tell of her life.

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DSJB9999 12/24/2013 8:39AM

    emoticon to you

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GODSDAUGHTER60 12/24/2013 7:55AM

    Please remember you are not alone God is with you emoticon

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CLEE2830 12/24/2013 7:54AM

    Your blog touched my heart. I'm so sorry for your challenges this year. My family has lost 8 loved ones this year. So I can understand some of what you are going through.

Don't look at not having a Christmas. You and your grandmother are blessed to be together. Look at that as being a blessing, you there for her and her there for you. Spend some time tomorrow reflecting on the past year, but spend the majority of the time looking towards the future. God has a plan for you.

Merry Christmas and God Bless! emoticon

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NELLJONES 12/24/2013 7:26AM

    Alas, you can't control or change other people, especially family. There are no words. God loves all of us, even the idiots. All you can do is live your own life the best that you can, and pray that God will help those who need it. He is the only one who can sometimes.

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TASNIM2014 12/24/2013 4:55AM

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TIGER_LILY_613 12/24/2013 2:55AM

    I really look up to you. Your family is lucky to have you. May the Good Lord bless you and rewards you for your kindness, generosity and strength.

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Comment edited on: 12/24/2013 2:58:08 AM

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PURPLEPEONY 12/24/2013 2:15AM

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COCK-ROBIN 12/24/2013 1:40AM

    God be with you, and you have a merry Christmas anyway.

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JUNEAU2010 12/23/2013 11:11PM

    Holidays can be so hard when we miss loved ones and deal with toxic people.
Be safe and warm. Here's hoping for a much better 2014!
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AWESOMECHELZ 12/23/2013 10:37PM

    I am so glad you're back, my friend. I wrote you hoping you would come back. emoticon emoticon Life is hell sometimes but not forever. I understand the misery, I do and my heart goes out to you. I have nothing profound to say except that I love you and I am glad you're back. I can also say I love you and I mean it. The holidays will be over soon so that misery will be over (well, that misery). Hang in there. emoticon
LOVE, CHELSEA

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WALLAHALLA 12/23/2013 10:06PM

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Your Grandmother is very blessed to have you.

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REMAREIS 12/23/2013 8:16PM

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FLYER99 12/23/2013 8:13PM

    So sorry to read your story. But know that you are not alone. It is snowy and very icy here also and I am not into Christmas at all. Since my Mom passed away last year, I don't have any close family left and so I don't give gifts or send cards. It will be a pretty lonely one for me this year. But for what it's worth, Merry Christmas and be Blessed always! Bob.

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FENWAYGIRL18 12/23/2013 8:10PM

    emoticon It sounds like you could use a hug! I was brought up in a very dysfunctional family , mom died last year and dad had 2 respiratory failures this year and brought so much stress and meanness into my life that I had to let go of taking my moms place and being his emotional punching bag.
You don't owe your dad anything to watch him oogling over this woman and helping him out, that was your mom he should of been holding her hand and being sweet to him, she gave him 3 children.
Don't let anyone use you it's not worth your health as I found out this year, my parents treated me like dirt my whole life and I always was the bigger person, but me being the bigger person this year almost landed me in the hospital from the amount of stress.
You live your life and try to find your passion, your happiness! I think it's sweet that your with your grandma, you know she won't be around forever so don't think of it as a wasted Christmas someday you'll be happy you got to spend it with her.
Sometimes god gives us a lot to handle so that when we're truly happy we'll really appreciate what we have in our life.
We won't be exchanging gifts hubby and I (can't afford it and having some financial difficulty), but making sure our son has a nice Christmas, it's okay because I asked god for something 19 1/2 yrs ago a good man. I prayed so hard for a man like my husband to come into my life and to have a child made out of love, sometimes I thought god would never hear me it took a while, but he does listen.
I may not have much but I have everything I ever wanted and someday you'll have that to!
God Bless, have a positive attitude about spending Christmas with grandma, say a prayer for mom and it's okay to not be so accepting of dads new gf.
As for your brother pray that god will open his eyes that's about all you can do for now. emoticon

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