Sunday, December 22, 2013
As some of you know, this is kinda my, safe place sometimes.
Somewhere I can just spew my everything and get candid and loving feedback.
So here we go.
Some may not know, but I was in an abusive marriage. Physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually.... and after my son was born, I put on my big girl panties, left and didnt look back. I will give credit where it is due tho - my ex husband is now an excellent dad... it took losing his family but it was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.
Yesterday my not-quite-husband told me to pack my things and get out of his house before he got home from work. (Insert expletives appropriately...) I was sad, angry, depressed, confused... I went and got a storage building and set up movers because gosh golly I am not staying where I am not wanted.
I packed what I could fit in two vehicles (thanks mom) and got a storage unit by 10am.
I returned to the house at about noon to get more things and he was home. bum.bum.bum.
(Brief reminder: this is the man I have been paranoid was seeing someone else for about a month now. I have constantly questioned and he has insistently and consistently denied for that same month... he is also the man that doesnt talk about his feelings. He is very black and white... says what he means, means what he says and no sense in getting worked up about it type...)
I walk in and our conversation goes like this:
Him: Where's all your things
Me: you told me to get out, so I am
Him: I didnt think you would actually do it.
Me: Shouldnt have chanced it
Him: I was mad
Me: Why did you have any right to be mad at me? You are the one hiding things on your tablet, you are just mad I called you out on it. (because i had that womanly gut instinct that something was wrong...)
Him: I dont even know how that got there and I dont know what you are talking about but I am tired of being accused, in my own house, of doing something I am not doing. I have been patient with you and this is what I get...
Me: Not doing? How much more proof do I need than a screen shot of a chat conversation?
Him: Let me see that.... did you look at the date of the last time this was used?
Me: No, its a new tablet, you have gotten it since I lived here.
Him: But its an old GMail account that synced with the tablet....
AND sure enough... the conversation was from about 4 months before we even met... not only that but the conversation was minimally threatening anyway.
I gotta chill ya'll.
He was mad still this morning... told me again, I have two options, either accept him and trust him, or leave and I need to do whatever makes me happy but he is tired of hearing about it.
It did actually spark a short conversation last night about our relationship, my needs and his and how we both need to keep in mind that we speak different love languages...
Im at the office today, making up work from being out with sick kiddo last week.... and I am praying praying praying that he will cool off some today while he is working.
I need to try and get home and get the house pieced back together as well.... my closet is now in trash bags.
Down a couple more pounds... could be stress induced though which is historically not lost but simply on hiatus looking for friends to bring upon return to my hips.... but I am going to take it!