Thursday, December 19, 2013
Yesterday it all came crashing down around me. It was all fine up until lunch and throughout the day I just got worse and worse. I was dizzy and sweaty and apparently scaring my coworkers. I thought if I just kept working faster it would go away but it didn't. I wanted food, real food. I called my Medifast clinic and told them I need to get weighed NOW and that I'll see them on the 28th. I lost 2 lbs even though I was weighing in at 5 PM instead of first thing in the morning. I weighed myself that morning to see the progress and I was below goal weight. Then I went home and downed a glass of wine. Then I sat on the floor of my bedroom crying for 2 hours. I don't even know why but I had so much emotion it was overwhelming. I just feel like I shut myself off for the last 5 months in order to get this done and now it is and the world collapsed around me.
But I needed food, something familiar, something that brought me so much joy and something I haven't eaten since the day I started. We went to order my burger from Chili's only to find out they removed it off the menu. My husband made a joke that I alone was keeping that alive. I got the next burger on the menu (substituted with the black bean patty instead of meat) and it was awful. My stomach hurt so much from eating food again. This morning it was like someone was punching me in the gut. I went to work with puffy eyes and feeling like hell. Around mid morning I had to get to the first aid station to get off-brand pepto for my stomach. It still hurts. I can't believe they got rid of the only thing I eat there. What am I going to do now? That was my favorite restaurant. Not what I needed on an already bad day.
Then we had the secret santa exchange party at lunch. I ate 20 baby carrots and 5 nacho chips. I got Lush bath soaps from my secret santa. Today was just a dead end. After lunch I took at a nap at my desk. I felt a lot better. Then we all went on a "work trip" to Bed Bath and Beyond where I got some nice candles. Stayed at work until 5 and then it was time to head to the department dinner party. By then I was finally able to eat. Oh and eat I did! It was hibachi and they tried throwing egg at me. I had a cucumber roll, an avocado roll, and a vegetable roll. It was delicious and I think the rice will help sooth my stomach. I ordered some tempura fried veggies which I'm saving for tomorrow's lunch.
I feel so drained.