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    STEPH-KNEE   77,023
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Accepting When Things Don't Go The Way You Hope...


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Thursday, December 19, 2013


We all have goals, and since you are here on Spark People, I would bet one of your goals is to get healthier (or stay healthy, if you've gotten to that point already). You might have a goal weight or size in mind, you may want to lower your blood pressure or blood sugar, or you just may want to feel better. Everyone's goals and how they measure success is different. Many of us set a timeline for these goals, and that is a great way to stay focused and do your best to achieve it... but what happens when you give it your ALL and you still fall short? Or what happens when life comes along and knocks you on your tushy, and throws you for a loop? Maybe you got injured and it prevented you from getting in your exercise. Maybe you are having trouble in some other area of your life, and the stress has caused you to reach into the cookie jar one too many times. Or maybe it isn't something negative at all, maybe things have been going so well that you are out enjoying life, enjoying friends, and with that you have been enjoying food as well!

Not meeting a goal you set for yourself can be discouraging, frustrating and in some cases, down right heartbreaking. emoticon


I had my first taste of this heartbreak this time last year. I desperately wanted to get to 199 by the end of 2012... and it was a very reasonable goal when I originally set it. But when I hit a plateau and my weight loss stalled, so did my motivation. The closer it got to the end of the year the more I realized my dream of hitting Onederland in 2012 was no longer a possibility. It really did crush me, and when you mix that with the obstacles of the holiday season, my weight loss really stalled. I struggled for a while, but eventually I pushed forward and you know what happened...

In July of 2013 I FINALLY HIT ONEDERLAND! emoticon If you've been my Spark Friend for a while, you know I had a huge virtual party and I really felt like a million bucks. Even all these months later sometimes I can't believe I actually did it. Did it come almost a full 7 months later than I wanted it to? Yes. Did it feel like any less of an accomplishment because it came later? Heck no! It felt just as amazing as it would have felt had I hit it in 2012!

I am struggling with that same form of disappointment as this year comes to a close... here is an excerpt from a blog I wrote on January 1, 2013.

"I have never been one to get caught up in all the New Year Resolutions and stuff, but this year I am just beyond excited! I want 2013 to be my goal year (180 and then possibly on to 170), but I am not going to be getting all crazy about it. All I know is that I will weigh less at the beginning of 2014 than I do right now, and that in itself makes me happy."

Now over the course of this year I changed my goal weight from 180, to 170 and have since decided on 160. But regardless of changing my goal... I did not even reach my original "goal weight" of 180 pounds. I really thought 2013 was going to be my year to get to my goals and work on maintaining and finding the right weight for me. One thing that I did have right is that I do in fact weigh less at the end of this year than I did in the beginning, so that is a mini victory... but knowing that I sold myself short and didn't give it my all does still have a little sting to it.

But you know what?! I WILL get to my goal of 160 because I am willing to work and struggle until I get to that point! Then once I get there, I am going to work and struggle to maintain a healthy weight range for the rest of my life. Would I like to go out on a limb and say that 2014 is going to my goal year, for real-sies this time?! I sure would. I think it is very possible that I can get to 160 pounds and work on learning what that fabulous maintenance thing is all about. I am sure willing to do the work to get there... but if for some reasons bumps in the road or other obstacles out of my control knock me for a loop... I will be just as happy and proud if I were to reach goal weight in 2015 instead!



Did 2013 not go as planned? Did you not lose as much weight as you originally hoped? Did you lose weight only to gain it all back plus more? Maybe you did fabulously and you are going to use that motivation to take you right into the New Year! No matter how good or bad this year went... it's in the past. The year is almost over and we can't get a do over of 2013. So take some time to reflect on the past year... celebrate your victories and your emoticon moments... learn from the pitfalls and the bumps in the road so that you can handle them better in 2014! We can't get a do over, but we can start right here and right now, and do better in 2014! If there are goals you didn't reach, vow to reach them in 2014! Or do as I am doing and decide that you will get there when you get there! Of course that means we have to do the work and get the job done, but if we do that then we will eventually get to where we are going... and I am here to tell you it will feel just as good in 6 months, a year, or 10 years as it will to reach that goal today! emoticon
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JUSGETTENBY42 12/20/2013 12:26PM

    emoticon

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SJKENT1 12/20/2013 12:08PM

    On the journey with you!!

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IDICEM 12/20/2013 11:46AM

  Great blog! emoticon

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LCRUMLEY81 12/20/2013 11:06AM

  Great blog

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CHERYLHURT 12/20/2013 10:37AM

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SHOAPIE 12/20/2013 10:28AM

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DJSHIP46 12/20/2013 9:19AM

    Thanks for sharing :)

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MIMIDOT 12/20/2013 8:45AM

    Well said! Thanks for the motivation.

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JANEMARIE77 12/20/2013 8:44AM

    love the no do overs comment why worry and lament about what is done there are no do overs each day is a chance to start again but not a do over thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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MIGHTYMOUSE215 12/20/2013 8:37AM

    In 7 lbs I'll be in onederland and I can't wait!! Has been 10 years since I was there!

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SHERYLP461 12/20/2013 8:12AM

    Think of every day as a new beginning

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NASFKAB 12/20/2013 7:54AM

  all the best thanks for the great blog

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JADED_CHICK19 12/20/2013 7:23AM

    Great blog. This is something I am struggling with right now. I had set realistic goals for the end of the year and I am no where near those goals. The only thing I can say is I have started this journey and I weigh less than I did last Christmas..to me that is amazing but also disappointing that I didn't get as far as I wanted. Thanks for the pep talk..you're right..celebrate our good moments and learn from the bad. Lets make 2014 amazing! :D

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CICELY360 12/20/2013 7:10AM

  good blog

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PENOWOK 12/20/2013 6:49AM

    Lucky us! EVERY day is a new beginning! You made you primary goal is weighing less. You are a winner!!

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WATERDIAMONDS 12/20/2013 6:43AM

    Very well said and truly appropriate for this particular time of the year. Thank you.

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CARRIELYN56 12/20/2013 6:11AM

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TRYINGHARD54 12/20/2013 5:48AM

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EMJAYCAN 12/20/2013 2:35AM

  Thank you so much for this post! I have had the longest plateau ever - since April. Upping the exercise didn't help - I only put on weight after that. My belt is slightly looser - that's the only thing that keeps me feeling that maybe I should hang in there. It is SO encouraging to know other people have this problem too. Thanks, once again, and GOOD LUCK! emoticon

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WEBEZE 12/20/2013 2:19AM

    Well said my spark buddie. I too had a year that did not go as planned. Went on anxiety medication and gained weight. Ate out too much, making poor choices and gained weight. Got sick and gained weight. Going through pre-menopause and gained weight. Well I know what doesn't work. LOL
So on to next year. Am off the anxiety meds so won't have that to deal with. Going to make better choices eating out. Getting sick will deal with when it comes. Still dealing with pre-menopause weight gain, hot flashes and such. Be glad when that is over.
Keep pushing my dear friend. We can do this.
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TINAJANE76 12/20/2013 1:56AM

    Great blog, Steph. I think we have to keep in mind that this journey isn't so much about that coveted destination, but the changes that we've made and continue to keep up along the way. I personally took a few years to reach my goal and guess what? I've been able to maintain my weight loss for almost two years now--something I've never been able to do! Consider your ups and downs to be training for maintenance. The fact that you've stayed connected and haven't given up is a testament to your strength and shows that you too can and will not only reach your goals, but will also be successful in maintenance. I know it.

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SUNNYBEACHGIRL 12/19/2013 10:27PM

    Great blog have a great Christmas

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LADYOLIVER 12/19/2013 9:28PM

    emoticon Great blog, thanks for sharing.

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JMARIES51 12/19/2013 9:17PM

    2013 ended up not being my best year as far as losing weight. When the year started I thought for sure I would get to my goal weight around mid July. But around August I just lost all motivation for everything. I am not sure why, but I am very happy that I got myself back on track. However, I regained all the weight that I had lost and started all over again 40 days ago.

My huge goal is to start 2014 in Onederland. I have only 3 pounds to go and I am pushing pushing pushing. And what I am learning from the pushing, is that it is AOK if I don't make it to 199 by 2014. I am so proud that I have gotten my head back on straight and I am really working on just the moment by moment choices that will keep me healthy forever... not just for a few months while I work hard.

Thanks for asking the question! Great blog. emoticon

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TOKIEMOON 12/19/2013 8:34PM

    You have motivated me to set a real, tangible goal, other than my usual "lose weight". I've tended to have exercise goals that prior to the cold and snow, I was good about doing on a daily basis. However, I never got good at reigning in my eating. My weight loss first stalled, and than went in reverse. All because I didn't meal plan and track what I actually consumed. I knew it wasn't good, but I just didn't want to face the absolute truth.

I'm willing to say I will be 149 by the end of December. I have to get below the 150 mark. The big difference in the old fashion doctor's office scales. My real goal would be 145, but I haven't been able to maintain that in several decades. Age is not on my side at this point. To get to 149, I will have to lose at least 28 lbs. Maybe more by the end of the holiday binging season. emoticon
P.S. So happy to have you back to blogging! Denise

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KOHINOOR2 12/19/2013 5:57PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon Stephanie, you continue to amaze me. You have gained much wisdom
during your journey and have been a great source of inspiration to all of us. Continue your great work. Thank you for sharing. emoticon

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FITFRIT 12/19/2013 5:55PM

    We all have our obstacles to overcome and it is SO helpful when we read/hear about others who have trials as we do, who falter as we do, but who keep going, despite all of it. Thanks for sharing your ups, your downs, and being inspirational.

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1CRAZYDOG 12/19/2013 5:49PM

    What a refreshingly honest blog! This year has NOT been at all like anticipated . . . but it has nothing to do with weight. But maybe it does! Despite a major disappointment I did not and will not stress eat, I am maintaining my nutrition and exercise and am determined to be HEALTHY. THAT'S my goal.

So, oftentimes we don't reach a goal when we want to, but we haven't failed! There are so many lessons in this journey of life to learn, sometimes it just takes longer to learn some lessons than others.

Above all, just keep loving yourself!
HUGS

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AMARILYNH 12/19/2013 5:31PM

    Stephanie, I not only love reading your blogs, but I love reading the comments they inspire. You are a huge inspiration not only to me but to a LOT of Sparkers!! You always keep it REAL and honest and we all learn from you!!

You are the epitome of a couple of my favorite quotes:

"Never, never NEVER give up!" Winston Churchill

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll land among the stars." Brian Littrell

You WILL reach your goal weight - and the journey will have taught you all you need to know to STAY there!! We all know THAT is our real goal - getting there is just the beginning! I'm so happy that you are doing this at such a young age - you have the rest of your life to enjoy the exceptional health you are creating!!

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LIMITEDGRACE 12/19/2013 4:11PM

    It's so important to remember how far you've come - especially in those times of feeling like you have so far to go! (I royally suck at keeping that perspective, by the way!!)
This year has been pretty crazy for me: In June I realized that I was 245 and 250 is my highest (known) weight. That's when I got committed. Then I found out I'd be going overseas for the first time ever. Hello curveball! When I got home for vacay, I really re-committed which included getting up at 5am which was a HUGE step for me. And everything went like clockwork....until the beginning of Nov when I completely messed up my back. It took over 4 weeks to heal from that and I'm still not back to where I was prior. : / And I'm barely hanging on to the 15 total pounds lost.
I want to see Onederland in 2014. I turn 31 on Saturday and it will take 31 more pounds to lose to get there and Lord help me if it takes me 31 weeks to do it! LOL But no matter how long, I'm not giving up either!! So CHEERS to our victories & here's to our future success!

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PIGGYWAY 12/19/2013 1:36PM

  you are so right

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ZAPPATTACK 12/19/2013 1:07PM

    I, too, have unfortunately set a goal that I will not be able to reach by the end of this year. I wanted to lose 30lbs by Dec 29th, but with regaining weight, I'm back to have 5lbs to lose... and that's not really possible in like 10 days.

Thank you for sharing this. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who has felt like they've "failed," but it's also nice to see your positivity instead of negativity about it and how there is always the next year. I know I will get there someday, I'm just hoping it won't be years and years away... but at least I've started a healthier lifestyle than in the past! Thanks for keeping the faith and spreading the spark!

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NHES220 12/19/2013 12:24PM

    Steph,
Love this blog, you are so right on! I started SP last December - the 27th to be exact. I had a goal of 2 lbs a week, easy right. Ha! I quickly changed that to 1 lb a week and sometimes I hit that and sometimes I don't. But I am down 43 lbs so far. I re-adjusted hitting my goal to Spring of 2014. If I don't make it there, I'll change it again, but I will get there. I started running and then I had a hamstring injury. And it made me realize that I did miss running which I never thought I would say. I have learned a lot about this journey about what it takes. I can't wait for my husband to come along and lose weight, but I can lead by example. I can decide that I am the only one who can do this for myself and I can't sabotage myself or let other sabotage me. I am in control of my journey. So 2013 was a great year, a year of learning a lot and on to 2014!
Noreen
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PGHP31CK 12/19/2013 12:19PM

    You've got an amazing attitude! Great blog!

Cheering you on as we move towards 2014!

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FLMOMX2 12/19/2013 12:00PM

    Such an encouragement that we're in this together.

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BRENDA_G50 12/19/2013 11:26AM

    Thanks for sharing such a wonderful blog with us. Not only did I like it, but I LOVED it!!! I also love the way you keep it real. You are such an inspiration! You might not have reached your goal by your timeline, but at least you haven't given up on yourself. You did however succeed to weigh less than you did at the beginning of 2013, and THAT my dear friend is a success story if ever I heard one!!! emoticon

I still need to learn how to let go of things that are beyond my control. I'm still upset about not being able to do the exercises I want to because of whatever is going on with my right leg (I think it's a pinched nerve, but I haven't gotten the results of my MRI yet). It's like I resent not being able to do what I know I need to do to get this weight off.

I'm wishing you the best as you continue on your journey to a better lifestyle. Thank you for sharing yourself with us and for being such an inspiration to me personally.

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WORKNPROGRESS49 12/19/2013 11:22AM

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STEVIEBEE569 12/19/2013 11:09AM

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MRSP90X 12/19/2013 11:05AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon I didn't meet any of my goals this year. I am with you on this one! 2014 here we come!!

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I_CAN_AMY 12/19/2013 10:54AM

    I understand the feeling of disappointment, but (I'm saying this to myself too) we have to let it go and move forward! If you think about it, disappointed isn't a very productive state to live in. Keep striving forward! You are doing awesome!
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XIALUDI 12/19/2013 10:28AM

    I love reading your blogs!! You are such an awesome and motivational person! Here's to a fantastic 2014! emoticon

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ADARKARA 12/19/2013 10:10AM

    Steph, you rule, regardless! You may not have made your goal, but you know what? You're still a success! emoticon

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SIMONEKP 12/19/2013 9:21AM

    Hi Steph,

Great blog as usual. I want to challenge you to step out on that limb one more time and say 160 in 2014. You have nothing to lose by setting a definite date and I know you're well equipped to handle to downside of not making should life get in the way or the machine that is our body decides on a slow-down.

I didn't make my goal of onederland this year but like you in your first year I'm still happy to be almost 70lbs lighter than I started the year. I'm stepping out on the limb with you and setting a goal of 140 by December 2014.

Simone

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IMAGINE46 12/19/2013 8:55AM

  emoticon emoticon

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ASCHU2 12/19/2013 8:38AM

    What is it about spark people that sends a blog post exactly when I need to hear it, and exactly what I need to hear! Lady, you are a BIG inspiration!!!!

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FEMISLIM 12/19/2013 8:28AM

    Remain strong. It is well with you!!!!

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BARBARAROSE54 12/19/2013 8:10AM

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PEGGYO 12/19/2013 7:59AM

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BESSHAILE 12/19/2013 7:13AM

    Oh darling spark friend

I SO SO SO feel what you are going through - it's as though we are twins somehow. That's JUST what my weight loss/goal setting/ annual desire felt like. I did not make any of my deadlines and I stalled and plateaued for months and months.

Just don you give up. Just don't. (I know you won't - this is just a cheer for you) and one day you will look at the scale and blink and look again and say OMG it's here!

I so totally know you are going to get exactly where you want to and you won't regret a single moment of the journey.

hugs and hugs and hugs

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BRENJET 12/19/2013 7:08AM

    This is such an inspirational blog!! You have done such a great job reflecting about the year--what a marvelous gift to give the rest of us...It will be so helpful for me to go back and see what worked and what didn't. You ARE a success story--and will continue to be one! emoticon

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