I know many women have stressed relationships with their moms. Part of me thinks it may just be part of nature. However, I am reaching a point in my life where I must either decide to confront my mother or choose to walk away from her. If I had to qualify my reasons in the simplest terms, they would be:
1:) She is mean.
2.) She is rude.
3.) She says hurtful things to me, about me, and to others.
4.) She is competitive.
5.) She does not show love or affection.
6.) She has a dark and ugly spirit.
1.) When I say my mom is mean, she is like the Grinch who Stole Christmas. She LOOKS for ways to
on your parade. She doesn't just do it to me, she is mean ALL THE TIME to EVERYONE. You could say "I love roses!" and she would reply, whether you were speaking to her or not, "I can't stand roses! They stink!" Yesterday my brother came home (he is living with my mom temporarily) and his 5 year old daughter was super-excited to see him and ran screaming to him as he entered the house. As they hugged, my mom yelled at my niece, "Calm down, Lynn! Your dad isn't Jesus, okay?!!" My cousin told me on Thanksgiving that she loved my Christmas tree and my mom says, "I think its plain." NO ONE ASKED YOU!
2.) I think her being rude is pretty evident from #1.
3.) Those that know me well know that I had a daughter that passed away at the young age of 19 months. Prior to her passing, she and I had to move back with my mom as my first husband and I divorced. (Sidenote: my mom did not hesitate to open her doors to myself and my daughter or my brother and for that, I give her credit and thanks) My daughter passed away on a Saturday morning. Our entire family spent the day in the hospital mourning with us until the coroner requested her body at 5 pm that evening. I cried and slept for 1 1/2 days before even getting up to shower or eat. When I did, my momstomped into the kitchen and said, "When are you going to get Alicia's stuff out of that room?" I was shocked and appalled. I told her that it would happen "no time soon". She then told me that Alicia's clothes were too nice to just donate and that my niece should get them.
4.) My mom competes with me about EVERYTHING. If I buy a 42"TV, she will try to buy a 50"TV. If I get a new car, she has a newer one the next month. This is not my perception, this really happens! The last 3 vehicles I have bought, she has gotten a new one within three weeks! She always tells me she is going to get the bigger, better version of whatever I get. Mind you, I no longer tell her when I am making any improvements in my life or home. I bought a new vehicle a week ago and said nothing to her. She ended up seeing it and gave me a full interrogation and now, she is "thinking about trading hers in."
5. The last time my mother hugged me for no apparent reason, without anyone else watching, without it being a holiday or birthday was when I was 7 years old. It was a Saturday in the springtime. She was wearing a gray swetshirt and jeans and was sitting on the arm of the couch. I remember it like it was yesterday because it was the last time I felt comfortable being touched by my mom.
6. I am a very spiritual person and so the fact that I have the relationship I have with my mother really hurts me to my core. Because I have always been connected with my spiritual side, I can sense when someone has a bad spirit. Being around my mother unsettles me. It is like my inner self is on high alert and it telling me "Be careful". My aunt came into my home with my mom when we first bought our house. She said she could feel God when she walked into our home; that her spirit was at peace and comfortable there. She ten said later that my mom feels "heavy" and that she could sense that my momwas unhappy and in turmoil. I sense it and I see it but I don't know what to do. I love my mom. She has intilled so much in me. She is dependable and is a hard worker. She would never, ever turn her back on me in the sense ofhelping with what she could if I needed it. On the flip side, she has tried since I have been a child to diminish my self-worth. At this point I don't know whether to address it with her and a third party and be met with her denial of the situation or to move on with my life. Honestly, I don't think that is the answer because I would never feel good about it. When your own mother (and father in my case) don't like you or want to be around you, it makes you feel rotten to the core. I am not a whole person until I deal with this. WHat should I do?