That awkward moment when you have to work out to fit in your work out clothes...
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
So… I need to work out to fit into my work out clothes.
This isn’t really a laughing matter, but I can’t even be upset with myself.
These past few months have been hellish or me.
1. I ended a two-and-a-half year, long-distance relationship with a man that I loved but was not in love with. I know on an intuitive level , deep in my gut, that I have made the right decision. Being with him meant sacrificing my happiness (chasing him chase his job across the country). I also believe that love makes you more of who you are, not less. When I’m finally with the right person I will be able to love us both. In the meantime, I'm still recovering from this.
2. My grandparents, who had a very large hand in raising me, were recently hospitalized. My grandma was moved to Hospice this week. Sitting by her bedside is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I recently realized that it’s also one of the bravest things that I have ever done. I don’t do goodbyes well, not even see you laters. But by God am I going to be at that hospital.
3. I applied to graduate school. I was accepted a week later. I was sitting in a virtual classroom the week after that. I have always wanted to get my Master’s in Mental Health Counseling, so I am going to. The time will pass either way, so it’s time to do something for me. (And it’s also time to mentally put the loans on the back burner. Obsessing over my debt will not make the indentured servitude go away, lol.)
4. Speaking of money, I have none. It has been difficult to go grocery shopping. I have been working as much as possible, but it’s stressful regardless. I'm doing the best that I possibly can.
5. While there is no such thing as a geographical cure, I am currently in the process of moving from one apartment to another in my building. I need a fresh start. (And the newer appliances, nicer carpet, security of being off of ground level while I work in Corrections, and temperature control are nothing to scoff at, either.)
6. My nine-year-old sister’s father just went to prison. Again. This is affecting my immediate family immensely.
I haven’t cared about diet or exercise. My give a damn has been busted. Though my weight has been up for the past year or so, I have managed to taper off and more or less maintain despite everything. I am still down 75 pounds. Had the same events transpired a few years ago, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be well over 300 pounds. There is more acceptance and strength here now.
Quite frankly, I’m tired. I’m hoping for an energizing 2014.
…One where my work out clothes fit.