Tuesday, December 17, 2013
SoÖ I need to work out to fit into my work out clothes.
This isnít really a laughing matter, but I canít even be upset with myself.
November and December have been nothing short of hell for me.
1. I ended a three year, long-distance relationship with a man that I loved. I still love him. Iím grieving it, but I know on an intuitive level that I made the right decision. Being with him meant sacrificing my happiness (chasing him chase his job across the country). I believe that love makes you more of who you are, not less. When Iím finally with the right person I will be able to love us both.
2. My grandparents, who essentially raised me, were recently hospitalized. My grandma was moved to Hospice this week. Sitting by her bedside is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I recently realized that itís also one of the bravest things that I have ever done. I donít do goodbyes well, not even see you laters. But by God am I going to be at that hospital.
3. I applied to graduate school. I was accepted a week later. I was sitting in a virtual classroom the week after that. I have always wanted to get my Masterís in Mental Health Counseling, so I am going to. The time will pass either way, so itís time to do something for me. (And itís also time to mentally put the loans on the back burner. Obsessing over my debt will not make the indentured servitude go away, lol.)
4. Speaking of money, I have none. It has been difficult to go grocery shopping. I have been working as much as possible. Unfortunately, my boss is in mourning over the death of her son (he was shot on New Yearís this time last year). Because of this, I feel like I canít do anything right. I know itís not personal, but itís stressful regardless. I'm doing the best that I possibly can.
5. While there is no such thing as a geographical cure, I am currently in the process of moving from one apartment to another in my building. I need a fresh start. (And the newer appliances, nicer carpet, security of being off of ground level while I work in Corrections, and temperature control are nothing to scoff at, either.)
6. My nine-year-old sisterís father just went to prison. Again. This is affecting my immediate family immensely. My little sister is confused and upset. My mother is heart-broken and pissed, though they have not been together for quite some time. Yay, family dynamics.
I havenít cared about diet or exercise. My give a damn has been completely and utterly busted. Though my weight has been up for the past year or so, I have managed to taper off and more or less maintain despite everything. I am still down 75 pounds. Had the same events transpired a few years ago, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I would be well over 300 pounds. There is more acceptance and strength here now.
Quite frankly, Iím tired. Iím hoping for an energizing 2014.
ÖOne where my work out clothes fit.