Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Our school cooks are so nice - they make separate stuff for the gluten-free among us, and there are only a few. They made corn chowder with no flour today. Yummm.
I'm aware that my "history" of eating disorder will be very "present tense" if I'm not diligent about the food, sleep, etc. That awareness is Step One. So I'm also aware that this current feeling of being cured is not to be trusted. And the feeling of being all cured now is due to some weirdness last night. Everything was stressful in that fam-damily kind of way. People were cranky, I was resentful because I was cheerful, dammit, and expected everyone else to be, too...I've spent too much money on Christmas, etc. - your basic holiday stuff.
But this time, when offered sourdough bread w/butter, a cocktail and DESSERT, I just didn't want those things. Like, DIDN'T WANT them!!
This is unprecedented. The zinger was this: the thing I used to like about having a drink or glass of wine - that warm little haze - that's what seemed repellent this time. I was shocked. I can't help but think of a kid who's outgrown the desire to spin in circles for fun.
I had a great, filling, delicious dinner without the stuff I don't eat, and it was all good.
I'm very grateful for this.