update on the relationship saga.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
So last night, I got home and face to face asked him if he wants me to leave.
His response is that he doesnt have any issue with our relationship. He isnt mad. He isnt spending his time worried about it and I am worrying for no reason.
It took him over a year to tell me he loves me, and almost a year before he allowed me around his daughters. He has been hurt in the past and i understand that. I however, am not her.
I read everyone's sweet comments on yesterdays blog and would like to address a few:
He is private, but he doesnt hide things from me. If I ask to see his phone, or emails etc... its no problem. I dont feel like he is cheating and i have been cheated on so I am ultra sensitive to most of the signs. I am also pretty relationship insecure because of it lol.
His way or the highway... is easier said than done. Before we moved in together, we had broken up a couple of times and its like clock work we are drawn to each other. Everyone else I date I compare and wish it were him. My husband was easier to leave. We have a love I can not explain... he is just terrible at communicating with me.
Anyway... I understand I either accept him, or not... and that is something I am battling with. I dont want to get 5 years down the road and feel like I just wasted 5 years...
He is NEVER angry or abusive - for the record. Sometimes I wish he would get angry and tell me whats on his mind, but he just shuts down.
Last night after we talked, i asked him if he wanted me to leave and he looked me dead in the eyes and said he wasnt answering that because i should know by now if he didnt want me there, i wouldnt be there.... I asked if he loves me and his response is....do I tell you I love you?
He went on to ask me to just let him eat his dinner in peace and drop it, that i was getting all worked up over nothing.
He went to work on the truck, went to get a part, got back, fixed truck... I went to garage and told him I was going to bed, kissed him and told him i love him... he responded with "i dont know why"...
This morning when he went to work, he hugged, kissed and told me loves me.
Its like he swells up like a big bear that needs to prove he is in charge.... ok... wear the pants... I dont even want them... but just communicate a little with me. I dont need some story book romance... I just need a partner.
I tend to be all or nothing. If we fight and I upset him, I jump to the worst possible scenario and he is not the type to pull me away from the ledge... he is the type that if you arent happy, then by all means... do what you need to do to get there...
We go through this about once every 2 or 3 months... and in the meanwhile, we simply dont have issues... we dont argue...we dont yell.... (even when we fight). So it is confusing to me on what goes wrong to set off this behavior.
I have a family invested in this. I am not one to give up at first sign of unhappiness. Life isnt about being happy 100% of the time, its about finding someone that is worth working through the unhappy times.
He is not, and has never been, the lovey compassionate type. I think the new in our relationship is wearing off and its time to see the nitty gritty. I just have to figure out if the nitty gritty is worth it.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I'm glad you asked him in person about the situation, sometimes text messages are not a good thing. I've realized people read them in the mood "they" are in not the mood the person sending them is in. I jump to conclusions also, I sometimes (ok most times) over think situations. It's not good for anyone involved.
I hope that the situation gets better for you. I sometimes have problems communicating also and I write my boyfriend a letter, sometimes he writes one back, but most of the time he comes to me to discuss the problem, but it it wasn't for me writing my feelings down the conversation would have never happened. LOL
I am glad things are looking up for you! I hope you have a great day!
1434 days ago
I don't know, if he is acting like this now and you aren't married, I see it as a bad sign. Things will only get worse if you DO marry him. I hope he opens up to you and let you know what is bothering him, but I don't see that happening, just from what you say. I guess it is up to you. If you want to stay with someone who doesn't talk with you and doesn't show affection, that is your choice. It would be hard for me to stay with a man like that. Best wishes to you in whatever road you decide to take.
1435 days ago
lol... i have tried that approach... hahahah his response is: you nut, why wouldnt i be...
1435 days ago
Good to hear he does communicate well in some areas at least. That tells me he definitely has hope in the conflict area. :) I tell you what came to mind just now... instead of asking him if isn't happy, try this: one day when all is well and you are feeling happy, just say all bubbly... are you as happy about US as I am?! with a big smile. there is no way he could take that threateningly.
1435 days ago
He generally tells me he loves me often.... he just doesnt communicate when we have conflict... at all... its like a complete brick wall.
Yes, we communicate just fine regarding the kids, work, the house, bills, food... dinner chats... it is ONLY when there is conflict that he doesnt want to address or it makes him feel like he has to prove something.
I have definitely sat with him and expressed my concern and he says he sees no reason to cry over anything, he doesnt have an issue, neither should I. When he gets really mad at me, he tells me its not worth his time to be mad over. When I ask him if he isnt happy...he takes it as a threat that I am threatening to leave him, as if I need that for leverage in the conversation or something and he gets defensive, when really, I just want to know if he is happy lol.
1435 days ago
some guys are not big on telling a lady I love you. I am glad he told you this morning .
1435 days ago
how confusing he seems he can be.... he reminds me of the old-time joke when the wife asked her hubby of many years if he loved her. he replied he said he loved her when they married, and if he changes his mind he'll let her know. kinda funny and not funny at the same time.
It just seem y'all have a major communication issue to work out. Yeah... mostly him, :) I'm sorry it's so frustrating for you. Have you sat him down and just told him you need to hear the words "I love you." a little more often, not so much because you wonder, but because you like to hear him say it.
I'm happy he told you this morning. :) I'll be looking in on you and praying for your family.
btw... I was wondering how well y'all communicate on other things not relationship related. If y'all relate well otherwise... I bet this type of communication will eventually happen. I hope so. :)
1435 days ago
Comment edited on: 12/17/2013 4:18:33 PM
Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.