I did great on Saturday, down -2.8. Went to Zumba, was feeling good. Made it to Sunday PiYo (Pilates Yoga) and then was supposed to go to breakfast afterwards with friends. I did fine at breakfast with my food...However...
There was a friend of a friend that came along with us. I have met him before and normally he is fairly nice. He does have questionable comments about others from time to time, but I only see him once and again, so I don't really pay much attention. While at breakfast, after ordering our food...I decided to take a decongestant since I am getting over a sinus infection and my nose was bothering me. Well, in front of the table, he says out loud to me, "What is that you're taking? A diet pill?"
I explained that it was a decongestant and then my friend got upset with him. This made me feel worse. After that, I felt that I was being watched with my food by this guy. Yes, he is at a healthy weight and he runs everyday. He isn't perfect, but I would never comment on his physical appearance because it's rude. However, I just couldn't understand how he would believe it was perfectly fine that he comment on MY body. I mean really?!
Now, as I left this breakfast, I became more and more self-conscious about myself. I started feeling really bad about myself. The negative self-talk started and by the time I got home. I felt even worse about my body. I later found myself with a hand in the cookie jar, literally, and ate cookies, which I wouldn't normally eat. Especially since I don't eat gluten as it makes me ill, but I did it anyways. I didn't do as much damage as I could have (6)...but it was enough to show on the scale this morning. To top it off, I am living with family and there was a huge argument (which I was not a part of) last night, that continued into this morning. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep.
The whole reason I am sharing this is because last night, this epiphany slapped me in the face. The quote, "Be nice to yourself...it's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time" came rushing to my mind.
How could I have let this guy, someone I don't even know, tell me how fat I am by suggesting I am taking diet pills? What was I thinking? Why did I just eat this crud because of this guy? This guy that means nothing to me? Why did I feel worse because my thin friend was trying to protect me? Why was this zoo of a situation even happening? How silly and dumb it is when you actually look at it. I know I am doing my best and would've done even better if I didn't let his opinion in. Why did I? Why did I care what other people think? And this guy, of all people? This guy who tends to judge others?
What I am learning is that I have these negative judgments about myself already programmed in my head. The negative insecurities that switch on when anyone says something about my size, my diet, my exercise. I am quick to speak a negative judgement about myself so I can beat them to the punch, but this guy came out of left field and took a low blow before I even knew it.
So, what now?
What I need to do is learn from this experience and understand that other peoples opinions of me are just that. Their opinions. They have NOTHING to do with me. What people say is THEIR stuff, not mine. Also, I don't need to be around people who are not going to be supportive or encouraging. It's hard enough trying to lose weight, change your lifestyle, your mindset and dealing with my own medical issues. Taking the negative people out of the equation will only make me that much stronger and more successful.
I could sit here and post mean things about this guy...but I am not going to do that.
Kristi, don't allow others to define you. Their words are theirs and have nothing to do with you.
"Don't be too hard on yourself. There are plenty of people willing to do that for you. Love yourself and be proud of everything you do. Even mistakes mean you're trying."