Sunday, December 15, 2013
A few hours after I posted my last blog my Mom called me to tell me that my Grandpa had been taken to the ER in Davis. We had the day off, unexpectedly, and rushed over there to see Grandpa, and be support to my Mom. The next few days were spent in the hospital with all of the family members that could make it here. We reminisced about the good old days and laughed, hugged and cried. It was a really great feeling having all of the family around. But slowly, each person had to get back to their "regular" life, and they began to leave. By Tuesday the last two left, and it was just my Mom, sister, husband and I left to be with Grandpa and watch as the inevitable unfolded. Grandpa expressed that he did not want a feeding tube, so when the pnuemonia, seizure and stroke lead to his inability to swallow, it was just a slow dehydration/starvation process from then on. My Mother and I took turns sitting around the clock from Tuesday until Friday morning when he eventually passed aways. Those four days were tortorous for us, I began to devolop severe panic symptoms including pain in my chest and heavy breathing. I didn 't sleep for very much for over 48 hours, finally the night Grandpa died I stayed home to sleep because I was in such a bad state physically and emotionally.
When I woke up on Friday, to find out that he'd passed away peacefully in the night, I was relieved, because that was what I was praying for. But then the waves of emotion hit, and they are still flooding over me. The only other person I have lost in my life is my Grandma, and that was many years ago. I was young, and detatched from the whole thing, and although I was sad, it didn't effect me the way my Grandpa's death has.
We are a house full of mourners now, and we are all trying to do our best to support one another, but when the tears hit, they hit. For me, right now, I am trying to get over the sight of watching him die, that was a sight I have never seen and wish to never see again. I'm not sure I could watch another loved one go through that slow dehydration/starvation process again. I know it is what he wanted, but it was truly horrible.
Anyway, I'm not going to go into anymore gruesome details of my last two weeks. My Mom goes back to work next week, and I'll probably go back on the road with Tim sometime next week or the week after. We still haven't heard wether he got the local job or not, so that's still all up in the air. We really are not prepared to move up there right now, so we'll see what happens with that. I have two weddings and my Grandpa's funeral coming up. So, I really need to be down here to be able to easily go to all of these events.
I really hope you are all doing well. I am looking forward to trying to have a decent Christmas, not sure if that is fully possible, but I am going to try to. Looking forward to checking in on all of your blogs to catch up with what is going on in Spark World. Love you guys. Hugs.