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    CIPHER1971   52,352
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I'm so vain


Saturday, December 14, 2013

This is a personal and personally honest blog, it probably contains TMI in places. Please don't read on if you are going to be offended.

I really am vain, I want people to think I look good, I want to look good, at least 60% of the reason I have lost weight is vanity pure and simple. And vanity is probably 60% of the reason I keep stalling at around the 10stone mark and regaining. I am terrified of sagging skin, of having to lift a flap of skin to bathe under it. I remember when I started loosing weight I read somewhere that if you loose over 4st you will have saggy skin, 10st is just over 3st lost for me - it is 'safe'.

To be honest I would be happy if I could just vacuum half a stone off my pooch, the rest of me is okay, and with toning only gets better. But I hate, hate, hate my belly area. Even as a child I hated the bulbous belly I saw on 'old' women. and now I am that 'old' woman with the fatty abdomen.

Currently I am taking pics of my belly for 2 reasons:
1) So I can see my progress - I seem to be incapable of remembering how I was and constantly beat myself up with how far I have to go.
2) To get over myself - it is a belly, it has carried 2 children to term, and a lot of extra weight. It is not the worst pooch out there, and really not that bad for a 42-year old mum.

I spend a lot of time moisturising my body; creams, oils, butters; anything that might help. At the moment I am particularly aware of my skin, I have been loosing weight, after creeping back up to 11st, and I can feel the way I have extra folds in my skin, as the fat goes, and the muscle grows deflating the body under the skin. So now I am trying to encourage the skin to un-stretch. Some time I feel like a balloon, and I just hope I haven't inflated myself once too often.

Back to the vanity theme - I have been really focused on loosing weight and toning up for the past 8-weeks or so because I want to look good on the 21st at the gig I am going to. I want my old friend to think I look good too. I haven't seen him in 21 years, he has a girlfriend, I am married and there is never likely to be anything between us, as his sexual preferences are darker than mine, but I want to be desired, and desirable. (This is particularly poignant as on 23rd December it will be 5-years since I have had sex)

The point of my ramblings - I need to decide what I want - and where vanity fits into the picture, because for me it does, and if that is the reason I get fitter and healthier surely it is a good thing.

Nuff said - moving on
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
THEMFOLK 12/15/2013 12:47PM

    I might be able to offer some info that will put your mind at ease a little, even if it might not remedy your situation.
First, pot guts just go with middle age. If you look closely at those around you, even skinny people have a small pot belly after a certain age. It's hereditary insofar as it aids in survival. After our reproductive years are over, older people's greatest value to society is as a repository of wisdom and skill (just as our memories are starting to slip, of course) and part of that abiding wisdom is that we have learned how to bank our assets for hard times. Hence, our bellies represent our ability to survive an unforseen event, such as a hard winter.
Secondly, if you weren't at least a little bit vain, you surely would have told yourself that dieting and exercise is too hard, and let yourself go. In fact, I'd dare to say that most of us would be mountains of dimpled flesh if we weren't too vain to allow it to happen. Vanity is sexy, if you think about it. Vanity is the source of everything that we think of as style, and has been the catalyst for every fashion imaginable, from fishnet stockings to Chanel dress suits. It can be carried overboard, as we all know, but the lack of it is, at least for us, the greater threat, since it may be the last hold on our 'real' selves - the person we are meant to be in body and spirit - that we might possess.
Lastly, exercise is your best bet to minimize excess skin. Not only does it help to shrink it up, but it will build good-looking muscle to help fill it out again. Muscle will weigh more than fat, so the scales won't behave in the same manner and you won't seem to have lost as much overall, but you will lose more fat for every pound of muscle you gain, since muscle helps metabolize fat even while we're at rest, which is amazing.
I'm always reading articles about women who start out at right around my top weight and lost pretty much the amount that I need to lose to see how they turned out. We all do it, so you're not alone.

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RACEWELLWON 12/15/2013 12:31PM

    I think from your photos you look awesome ! I too suffer from vanity - I think we all do in a small way. I do not want to lift flaps to bathe either I suffer from the Bat wing syndrome and carry most of my weight in the Bust area . Trust me I have thought of surgery to lighten the load. I too tire from toning and toning argh - I love some of the crèmes out there - I have birth marks on my stomach from child birth. If the creams work do it ! Hugs K

Comment edited on: 12/15/2013 12:32:54 PM

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BIGPAWSUP 12/15/2013 12:17PM

    I have no problem with vanity. I have a good dose of it myself. And I feel for you on the belly thing. Mine drives me INSANE!! Keep going and keep being sexy. You can do this.

And I want to hear how it goes.

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LADYBIRD82 12/15/2013 9:06AM

    Trust me you are not alone. I lost weight for the same reasons. I strive to look good for others and myself. If I don't get complimented daily, I wonder what I've done wrong. I'm visiting some friends next month that don't see me everyday, I really can't wait to hear what they think. I have skin issues mainly in my arms. You know that sagging skin lol I've been working very hard on this area. I know it will happen it took me a year to take the weight off still have 3 to 5 pounds to go, the sagging skin will take time as well. Best of luck to you on your journey.

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