Wednesday, December 11, 2013
You know the one. Where we tell ourselves that we are tired of all this. Screw it, I will eat what I want, when I want. That I don't care.
Then, you get that wake up call. That moment when:
Your blood work shows you are diabetic again. Remember how proud you were that you beat it 2 years ago?
When you are scared to get on the scale, because you KNOW, YOU KNOW what you weigh and you're scared to face it.
When your body is falling apart and you can barely sit, sleep, walk or move without pain.
When you go and buy those size 22's because the 20's are too tight. Yea you were down to size 18's not that long ago.
When your husband rolls out that speech he used to give you about exercise and just eating a little less. Yea, he noticed you have gained weight.
So what am I gonna do about it.
I know what I need to do, I know how to do this, I know I have support and tools and resources.
I feel like I need to get through my biopsy surgery Friday and see what's ahead. Will I need a hysterectomy? Do I have cancer? (I'm not scared it will kill me, I'm just intimidated by the fight to beat it. I'm scared to even have it in me, ya know?)
Do I start small, even while all the holiday crap is upon me? Go full out assault right now? Wait for the first of the year? Make small steps? Fall back into tracking?
Its all separate but related.
I have lost my way. My goals need to be reset. I need to deal with the medical issues, one thing at a time I guess.
Can you tell I'm overwhelmed? Have you known me to back down from a fight? I may be down but I'm not out. I just need to reorganize. Thank you for being here. Thank you for your support, love and always being here for me. I will let you know how surgery goes Friday.