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Advice please. Don't know what to do.

Monday, December 09, 2013

Almost a month ago, I invited several people to my house for a Christmas Party. We're just going to have dinner, and everyone's supposed to bring some kind of side dish. I created an event page on Facebook, so that we could all communicate on it, stay informed, etc. Just about everyone accepted the invitation right away. Fast forward. It's been nearly a month now, and other than merely accepting the invitation, NOT ONE PERSON has done anything else. I have no idea if people are still planning to come, if they've forgotten all about it, what they're planning to bring, etc. I feel really uncomfortable about calling people, sending a message, etc, to ask, "Hey, are you still coming? What are you bringing?" I just think that seems really tacky for some reason.

I'm half-tempted to just cancel the stupid thing. If I were invited to a party, I would have contacted the host way before the event and told them what my contribution would be. No one would have to hunt me down. Plus, Husband decided last minute that he's going to spend Saturday afternoon at a friend's graduation. (The graduation is an hour away, starting at 2 and our party is supposed to start at 6). So I'm just like..."Great. Thanks friends. Thanks everyone, so much." I just feel like I put myself out there, tried to have a get-together, and as usual, everyone is screwing me over. It also reminds me of ALL the times I plan get-togethers, but never, ever get invited anywhere in return.

I don't know what to do. Do I cancel the party now...or should I wait until later in the week to see if people contact me before canceling? Because I'm not waiting until Friday night to hear from people. I have a lot of work to do if I'm going to have this party, a lot of preparations, etc. Or, do I just plan the party and wait and see who shows up on Saturday? I imagine I'd be sitting there at a completely empty table. I just don't know what to do.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hmmm...I don't know how this turned out (maybe I'll find out in the next blog?)...but generally speaking, I'd say that I may mention what I'm bringing casually, but it never really occurred to me to tell anyone. Usually, if a friend is doing something, we'll chat and I'll mention that I'm bringing X dish, but nothing official. So I wouldn't take that as a sign.
    Regarding the organizing and not being invited in return - are these people throwing parties? If yes, and you're not being invited, time to dump and run. If no, then what can you do? My brother throws TONS of little parties because he and his wife love playing host, and I think that periodically they go to other people's houses for dinner, but never big get-togethers, because most of their friends don't do that sort of thing. But certainly, if they are not reciprocating, I don't see why you should be trying...
    1519 days ago
    I would remind them and ask how many are coming . It seems it would be acceptable to ask (1) if your are coming and then tell them what you will be fixing so they can plan around it, just say I will be preparing a ham, or something similar and remind them you will be eating at ...add designated time. Don't worry about this so much . You have opened your home to friends and meant well. It will be their loss if they can't come. We have so many things going on at Christmastime it is hard to get to all the parties and family functions. We always have to miss some. emoticon
    1534 days ago
    This is why I don't make plans like this. ... I'm not invited to other's either.

    Anyhow, I agree to contact via facebook... perhaps another event thing called "party reminder" and see who rsvp's then. :)

    I hope it turns out wonderful for you. emoticon
    1534 days ago
    I agree with MYLIBERTY and would add that you contact the guests via Facebook since that's how they rsvp'd. Maybe doing that in addition to a personal call.

    I have anxiety when I plan events for similar reasons. It feels like people don't care. That's something I create though, and the don't give people the opportunity to show up because I cancel. Don't cancel. Understand that in the fast paced world we live in, people don't always touch base the way we might expect them to. I'm guilty as well. A reminder and a planning question like the ones mentioned will give you a good sense of who's coming. I'm certain it will all work out and am familiar with your experience. Hugs to you! And breathe. :-)
    1535 days ago
    I would get in touch with people and find it if they're still attending and what they're bringing. I don't think they would mind..I wouldn't.
    1535 days ago
    1535 days ago
    Don't cancel the party. Don't worry about calling and finding out whether or not they or coming or what they are bringing. If they are your friends they won't mind. Just call up and let them know that you were just making sure that they didn't forget the party because you are really looking forward to their coming, and that some people may not know what to bring so you are making a list of what is being brought so that you can give others an idea of what to bring. This list of who is bringing what will also help you when you send thankyou notes after Christmas if you choose to do so. I think it would be a nice gesture.

    1535 days ago
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