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I'm Sorry (trying to catch up!)

Monday, December 09, 2013

Dear friends,

I am so sorry that I have not been there for you the past couple of weeks. I have had a little setback. You see, after several months (possibly years) of being free of it, depression has once again reared its ugly head. I have been free of it for a long time. In fact, this is the first time since I began my journey that I have had to deal with it at all. Anyway, when this happens, I go into what I call my "survival mode." I do what I have to do to get through the day and that is about all I can do. When I am in the middle of it, it is all I can do just to function, so I am afraid that Spark went by the wayside. I have tried to keep up with reading your blogs, but just have not been able to comment like I usually do.

I know I should have reached out to you sooner, but just couldn't do it for some reason. I know I would have gotten all the support and understanding that I needed, and it probably would have been more considerate to all of you rather than just falling off the face of Sparkville! Thank you to those of you who tried to reach out to me. I am doing much better now and trying to get things going again.

I did have about a 10 pound gain, but have now lost 5 of those. It is just so easy to gain when we are not diligent. Anyway, now that I've caught you up with all of that, I thought I would share a few pictures from the past week or so.

I finished up one more sewing project. This is a large bag that I made to carry all of my quilting supplies in. It is hard to tell in the picture, but it is quilted and about 24x30. It turned out beautiful!

Itty Bitty was a reindeer in a little Christmas program at school, so here are a few pictures from that.

(this was at my worst - I am really good at putting on a happy face!)

We also made a little gingerbread house. Itty Bitty loves helping with all of the little projects we do at Christmas - just wish I felt better while we were doing them!

Well, I think that just about catches you up with everything. Thank you for not giving up on me while I was absent! I am feeling so much better now, and will try my best to get back to Sparking! I really need all of you in my life - it makes all the difference in my world!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • NHES220
    No need to apologize my friend. You have to take care of you and we'll be here when you are ready. The holidays, change of season, trials going on in our lives - everything takes its toll. Hope things are looking up and hope everyone is healthy. Hang in there and check in when you can.
    1401 days ago
  • KML410
    I too suffer with mild depression and know what you mean when it hits you, you can only do whatever gets you through your day until you can get out of it. I have had a set back with it myself and am still working through it. Hope you are feeling better soon. I too have taken a break from Spark mostly because life has been hectic around here. Take care and feel better soon

    1404 days ago
    Don't worry about us. Just take care of yourself right now. Do what you need to do to "heal" mentally. We're still here and we're not going anywhere! emoticon emoticon
    1405 days ago
  • BRADMILL2922
    Sorry to see that you have been struggling. Don't worry about keeping up with things around here when that happens, just take care of yourself. You know you have a lot of people around here to lean on if you ever need it. Glad you are doing a little better now. Itty Bitty is just as cute as could be :)
    1406 days ago
    We have no excuse. We alone can fight depression. You have to want to make yourself do something more than get up to use the toidy or reach for the fridge door. It can weight you down so big, so bad, and you have too much going for you, especially now, to let yourself go visit that demon. It doesn't matter why you are there. You're the one that let's it stop you. You let it control you. It is difficult being the quiet home cheerleader, the shoulder for others, the philanthropist, altruistic, can't give in to negativity, have to do things right, be there, be the perfect wife, mom, friend..working to do it right all the time gets to you and yet you can't do anything but...except get a wild hair, go do something totally off the wall that you've wanted to that you never have done before you get too old to do it. Make yourself get up and if checking the mail, get your buns outside for a walk even if it's in your nightie or pair of cutoffs.... I said smile, but don't..don't you dare....go vent whatever emotions are tying you down...and get a little crazy to stay sane.... :) Not that I'd ever understand...Hug. Keep in touch. or

    and go get a mrs santa nightie/outfit for your costume that'll knock dh's socks off right onto the mantle LOL emoticon When the kettle bells keep ringing, make your every wish come true, happy holidays, happy holidays... emoticon

    p.s. grimace. Now, we know that you have some obsessive compulsive tendencies, that have led to many of your successes, achievements, accomplishments...Is it that you are burnt out, fear of success, fear of failure, an emotional manipulation to show your humanity as an endearing soul to shine forth as the bold and brave, but a character to be sympathetic to, hero in our continuing saga? :) Oopsie, how dare i????!! or some other facsimile in the homefront for the holidays saga...Know the peaks, the troughs, the equilibrium...but stay the .... away from all pts in between, but knowledge of those dangers is the first step in prevention.....

    Before you reach a goal, have a new thing to conquer or attack, that way the denouement will not be so difficult, and starting on bits of those will help keep away or act as breaks from the present project...always something to look forward to and get to...for really old people, you ever wonder how that everything drawer in the kitchen or shop, the fred flintstone or mr whoopee closets, or??? ever kept some old people thinking they had to keep going, couldn't die and let anyone catch them with that mess-or see it if they died, how embarrassing (for whom?)..and yet, they never quite seem to get it done :)
    1406 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/12/2013 10:04:23 PM
  • LINDA!
    1408 days ago
    Oh girl. I completely understand and I am glad you posted. It's good you're hanging in there. I know emotions can overwhelm and be crippling at times, which then lead to some vicious behavioral cycles.

    Many many hugs to you. Do what you need to do to hang in there. No one's giving up on you. Life has it's ups and downs and Spark isn't about any quick fixes. There will be natural ebbs and flows.

    Treat yourself with love and care. You're worth every bit.
    1408 days ago
  • KANOE10
    I am sorry you had a difficult period. I am glad you are feeling better. I loved your pictures. Your daughter is adorable. Good for you losing 5 pounds.

    1408 days ago
  • MRSP90X
    emoticon emoticon emoticon Sorry to hear you were having a rough time! I honestly didn't pick up on that either. When it is hard to get through the day, it is certainly best to concentrate on you and your family. When depressed life is just so much more challenging, even with simple tasks. So, I can understand not even wanting to come on here. Sparkmail me if you need to and I will do my best to encourage you with scripture too. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    I don't say that I get depressed but rather paralyzed and avoid the things that I need to do to the things that I want to do. Its my way of survival.
    1409 days ago
  • EJB2801
    Hoping every day coming up will be a feeling-better day!

    1409 days ago
    I am so happy to hear from you. I was starting to get concerned and I am sorry that I did not check in on you. Depression is not a feeling, it is an illness and I hope you have seen a health care professional. You are in my prayers tonight and I am glad that you are feeling better. The bag and IB are both beautiful.
    1409 days ago
  • STAY39
    Man I wish I could say I was like GAILANN but no, not me, I am a pest! So sorry about that! Please know that it comes from love and I truly missed you! I am so sorry you are going through this. You are so important to us and we want you here but only when you are ready to work us back in. We are not going anywhere! Spark is a big commitment and as wonderful as it is, sometimes it's hard to balance it with life. Especially if you are battling depression. You do what you need to do to survive and get better. Your family needs you and it looks like you are doing a great job of hanging in there. I love the pics. Itty Bitty is gorgeous (that smile of hers is enough for both of you)! Great job on that quilt. I admire your handy work. I have no such talents. Thanks for letting us in.
    emoticon emoticon
    1409 days ago
    It is so hard when the blues grab you. You have to just fold unto yourself and do your best....which you always do. It is so good to hear from you again. I missed you. Sending gentle hugs, Laurel emoticon
    1409 days ago
    Hi, glad your back. Sorry you weren't feeling well. Your little girl is so cute! Enjoy the holidays!

    oh, btw, your name is Dachelle? what a unique and beautiful name you have!
    1409 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/9/2013 7:41:53 PM
    It's so good to hear from you, Dachelle. I thought there was something wrong, but didn't want to pester you. It sounds as if you're dealing with things the right way - survival priorities, family, and then all the rest. The weight will go - and YES, it's utterly stunning how quickly it returns when we're not paying close attention. (Ahem...any idea how I might know that????) :)

    As usual, Itty Bitty is a darling. What a little miracle she is, and I thank you for sharing a little of her with us. And YOU, my friend, YOU are a miracle, too. Sometimes it's hard for us to remember that little fact when we're "out there somewhere," so our friends keep reminding us. Glad you're feeling a bit better. Sending hugs and prayers your way, Dachelle.

    emoticon :) Gail
    1409 days ago
    1409 days ago
    You have so much talent. The bag is beautiful. Itty Bitty is so adorable.
    Sorry to hear about the depression. I get it also, so I do understand. Just take care of yourself. Glad that your back .. You were so missed.

    1409 days ago
    That's a lovely bag you made! Take good care.

    1409 days ago
    Dachelle, I am so sorry you had to go through a bout of depression during this busy time of the year, when family and probably the school demand even more of you, than usual. I was happy to read that you are doing better. Please, please, take care of yourself. Let everything else go if you need to. Lovely pictures of Itty Bitty. She looks adorable, and must give you some bright moments during the day. You look gorgeous in the one picture (keep smiling) even if it is hard sometimes. What a cute Gingerbread house, and I love your big bag. You are so talented.
    Why don't you join our Interim Challenge. It keeps us going until the new Challenge starts in January. Sign-up for January has already begun.
    Missed you and love you.
    emoticon Marlis
    1409 days ago
    so glad your back ...and your sewing bags is beautiful....
    1409 days ago

    Love you, honey, and I"m sorry to hear you were struggling. I knew something was up because you are usually such a loyal Sparker. I'm happy you're back.

    1409 days ago
  • TIGER_LILY_613
    Itty Bitty is simply adorable !

    It's incredibly sweet of you to worry about us, but there's no need. When you're experiencing a bout of depression, it's only natural that you need to take care of you. You are your first priority.

    I'm happy to hear that you're feeling better. Here's a big hug for you.

    1409 days ago
  • _BABE_
    emoticon We all understand and you will get through it. emoticon
    1409 days ago
    emoticon back!! You were greatly missed. I'll be praying for you. emoticon emoticon
    1409 days ago
    Depression is never an easy thing to deal with - I am so sorry that you are going through this, but I am glad that you are on the upswing now.
    You pictures are beautiful! Itty Bitty makes an adorable reindeer!! emoticon

    1409 days ago
    who's that slim woman standing next to your daughter? emoticon


    depression doesn't usually book an appointment - do what you have to do to look after yourself as best you can.

    ((more hugs))

    1409 days ago
  • PICKIE98
    Survival comes first.. then family.. you have your priorities right!!
    Sparks relight themselves whenever we need them!
    1409 days ago
  • MSHEL7
    I'm so sorry that you have been going through that. I wish I could have been there for you. Anytime you need me I am here. I was just telling Trish that I believe we go through seasons in our lives, and you were probably going through one recently. I'll be praying for you to have peace and sending a huge hug your way. emoticon
    1409 days ago
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