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Monday, December 09, 2013

Yes, I am...I'm jealous. I try very hard to be happy for my friends, and I really am happy....but I'm also very jealous...can those two go hand in hand??

One of my best friends, Jen, whom I've known for about 13 years now, posted on Facebook yesterday....she's lost 60 pounds in the last 34 weeks. I'm very proud of her- we've both struggled with our weight every since we can both remember, and have even worked out together, helped each other with eating healthier, etc... We don't see each other very often over the last few years- she lives a good 45 mins-hour away I live east of Denver and she lives west and we just both have a million things going on- we do text and stay in touch though.

I love her dearly, and I'm so glad that she's found something that works for her- last time we talked, she was doing weight watchers and it was working for her. I've tried weight watchers...it didn't work for me-I can't afford it and honestly, I hate the meetings and I don't have a ton of free time to go to the meetings consistently (when I do have any free time I like to spend it with my friends and family and of course, DW- which i know is selfish, but when I have limited time, a meeting that only makes me feel worse about myself doesn't usually hit the top of my list), I've tried SlimGenics, that didn't work for me either- I didn't like being judged if I gained a single pound between one day and the next... I'm doing Spark....which has had its ups and downs and has worked for me when I stick to it and really hold myself accountable. I know that I honestly have no grounds to stand on when it comes to being jealous because I KNOW that I haven't been putting in the time and effort. Yes, I've been slowly getting back on track, and I'm trying very hard to drink more water, watch portion sizes, bringing lunch from home, eating healthier dinners, not grabbing fast food ALL the time...etc. But there are so many things I'm NOT doing.... I'm not working out, I don't always plan my meals/plan healthy meals during the week consistently, I'm not always eating great foods like veggies, fruits, etc. I eat them, just...I should eat more. I shouldn't be jealous....but I am....She's where I wanted to be by now and she succeeded, and I'm just....not there. I'm here in the back just trying to not gain any weight...forget losing 60 pounds.

I hate feeling jealous....I'm one of those people who genuinely loves to see my friends succeed and meet their goals (weight related, job related, etc) but this time....I feel AWFUL for feeing so jealous of someone I love and care about. I feel like I just needed to get that out today....its just been building up and I feel like its taking over a lot of my thoughts.

On another note- My parents FINALLY met DW on Saturday (only after over 3 YEARS LOL). We met for breakfast on Saturday morning and it went REALLY REALLY well. He and my dad just talked and talked and there was a lot of laughing and he was just... well- it was amazing. At one point he was talking to my parents and how he was glad he was meeting them and he just felt like it was a good time and then he starts to go on about how i'm "intelligent, bright, and beautiful..." and how he enjoys spending time with me and is glad to finally spend time with them...I seriously think I turned 100 shades of pink and red haha. I'm glad he finally felt ready to meet them. I just didn't want to be manipulative and force him into anything he wasn't ready for....and I feel like I did the right thing. I think that our relationship is a lot better, stronger, and healthier because I haven't manipulated him or tried to make him do anything he wasn't ready for, or sure of. We started off as friends and it just naturally evolved into SO much more.

On the way to bring him home, we were talking about the whole situation and he made a comment that in the past, he felt like he was pushed into meeting family/parents too soon and didn't like doing that because he feels like when you introduce someone to your family or get introduced to another person's family that it should be serious and not just a quick decision. It made me feel great that he feels that we're "serious".... I didn't really doubt that too much, but its nice to actually HEAR it... So.... after 3 long years....things seem to finally be more concrete and stable and I'm loving that feeling. I love that I'm with someone that I can trust, who trusts me and who I can totally be myself and he wants to be with me for the right reasons and I'm with him for the right reasons. I also brought up the fact that the thought of being with someone else, or him being with someone else makes me feel sick and he told me that he feels the same way, so I'm thinking that's a good sign of things to come. Right now, I can't imagine being with someone else- and I know I can't tell what's going to happen in the future, but I'm hoping its not something I have to even worry about.

Sorry this blog was a little long... But, sometimes it helps me even my emotions out just a bit by getting it out...Hope you all have a great week!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TREV1964
    I know you admit here of your jealousy but by what I can see you have so very little to be jealous of. You seem to have a great partner that feels the same about you that you feel about him, you have a great situation with your parents, by what I have read before you seem to have a wonderful job too. When one couples this with your stunningly good looks, the wonderful way in your photos that you manage so easily to smile with your eyes I can imagine so many others being so jealous of you.

    It seems to me that the jealousy stems from you being pretty hard on yourself. Some of us loose weight easier than others. A few months ago mine was coming off easily - now it has stopped and I am presently fighting to hold my existing weight and not gain - especially at this time of the year.

    Just plan what you have to do with many small steps and stick to those steps a little at a time. You can do this - I know you can and I for one will be trying to do this with you in 2014.

    Cheers, love and seasons greetings to you and your folks.

    1513 days ago
    You will meet your goals, when you are ready! Congrats on everything gong well with your SO meeting your parents :) That's always an awesome thing when it goes well!
    1530 days ago
    Hope that writing it all down helped. Great for being honest with yourself about being jealous of your friend.
    Same goes for your weight loss journey though. It's all in your blog, you know what you're doing right and you know what you're not doing, and what is keeping you from succeeding.
    It's about priorities, mostly.
    Good news is that there is room for everything, your life AND your health. Sometimes it just needs small adjustments here and there.
    Keep sparking.

    1530 days ago
  • TIGER_LILY_613
    It shows great self awareness to be able to acknowledge and admit to yourself (and others) that you sometimes feel jealous. Just remember the good in yourself - you do want your friends to succeed, and you too are on a remarkable journey. It's ok, just focus on yourself and your journey, and hopefully the feeling will pass.

    So happy for you that your "meet the parents" day went well ! That must feel really great ! And he sounds like a really nice guy ! Cheers !
    1531 days ago
    it is hard not to feel jealous...especially when you want to be in her shoes too. But each of us will get there when and how we are ready.

    Your time will come. Congrats on "meet the parents"
    1531 days ago
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