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This is the slimmest I've ever been.

Monday, December 09, 2013

Today is 9th December 2013. Today is the day I broke my "lowest weight" record. This is the slimmest I've ever been as an adult. This is the slimmest I've been since I was (younger than) 10 years old. I am 104.5 kgs or 232.2 lbs. I'm 29.5 kgs or 65.5 lbs overweight. OVERWEIGHT. :D
O V E R W E I G H T.

My weight timeline:

1) first weight loss attempt was when I was 8 years old and over 80 kgs/178 lbs.
2)Graduated juniour school 120kg/267 lbs.
3) Heaviest weight ever was 155.5 kgs or 345.5 lbs, when I was 15.5 years old. It was December 5th 2008.
4)Previous lowest weight was 105 kgs or 234 lbs in December 2009.
5)2009- 1011: My weight got stabilized in 110-115 kgs (244.4-255.5), even though I never stopped dieting and exercising. I would fall down 244 lbs sometimes, but it never last long. I just couldn't get down to 234 lbs again, i didn't know what it would take, but it certainly would take more than I could/wanted to give at that time.
6)2012-1013: I quitted on everything. Then I quitted on myself. My weight had gone back up and I was now 135 kgs or 300 lbs. For the first time since 2008 I had stopped dieting and my old unhealhty habits, those I thought I had kissed goodbye forever long ago, had settled back in, without my noticing.
7) July 25th 2013 I hit 300 lbs/135 kgs and was convinced to try dieiting again.
I did well for some time, fell off the wagon many times (and stayed off track for weeks), gain some weight back and then lost it again, plus some more. And one day I woke up and I saw how stupid I was being. I was doing great. Why did I have to sabotage myself when I had both the wisdom and the experience? I kicked my butt and decided to claim my everything back from oblivion.
8)Dec 9th 2013: I hit 104.5 kgs or 232.2 lbs. THE LOWEST WEIGHT I'VE EVER BEEN.
I'm still claiming my everything and I'm doing a pretty crappy job so far... But at least, even if I've given up on everything else once again, I haven't given up on myself. Or my weightloss.
Why? Because I need to be done with that, at last. I am almost 21 years old now and my whole life has been about losing that weight. The things I could have focused on or could have done if I just hadn't spent so much time trying to focus on losing weight. I need to put my energy into something else. I don't want to grow even older and live with the knowledge that I never beated my demons; that i am capable of so many wonderful things and i just did 1, which wasn't even in the list of things that interest me; it was simply getting rid of the baggage that other people/situations made me carry.
I want to be in my 30s and be proud of myself. I want to do things that count, that don't involve only "getting even" with myself or my past. I want new. I MUST do new.

This is a whole new chapter for me. I never thought I would drop beneath 105 kgs/234 lbs ever since I stopped losing weight. But then again, I never thought I would lose any weight at all when I was at my heaviest. :p And look at me, I am finally 51 kgs/113.3 lbs down that. And I'm still going. :D
A few thoughts creep into my mind now... I read in an article long ago that obese individuals, especially if they've been obese since childhood, may lose weight, but they'll never be in the healthy BMI range. They will go as far as overweight but not smaller.
I thought that was the case with me too. Being under 106.5 kgs/236.7 lbs puts me in the overweight range. I thought that was why I had stopped losing weight. I thought I would never fall down 105 kgs.
But I did.

I hit quite a few plateaus this time where I'd stopped losing weight for months. But I didn't give up. Because being unhealthy, at any weight, is just NOT the way to be anymore.

My life is full of problems. And I'm a very flawed person. You may wonder about my timeline "how could somebody be so young and gain so much?". YES, obviously it wasn't just me pigging out. I've been depressed as long as I've been fat, maybe even before that (somewhat chubby became chubby- always been on the curvier side).There's much more to my story than just laziness and gluttony.
And most of the time people just couldn't see that which made it even harder.
I don't know where you are with your story or how far you've come. But I can tell you that no matter where you are, no matter what has been so far, YOU CAN DO IT. Nobody can but you.
Decide it today. Work on habits, not on quick fixes. And forget that you're doing it. Remember you are when your clothes start feeling a little loose. Weigh in and embrace yourself and your victory.

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