Sunday, December 08, 2013
Accomplish blog and jokes for Sunday
my accomplishment for the day:
1. Clean my bedroom
2. I did a Denise Austin walking with weight video with Jeanne.
3. I study my therapy on mindfulness for a half an hour
4. I finally got this blog written.
5. I got along with my brothersKevin and Al
I am today grateful for:
1 feeling less dizzy than I have for awhile
:2 for not being sick anymore
3 for being g able to let my brother Al and Kevin watch their football game without making mom mad
4 for having cookie time at church today
5 for having a church that feel like a family
Positive events of today:
2 afternoon-lunch with mom
3 evening Ė spending time with mom
OKAY NOW FOR THE JOKES hopefully they funny
I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. It isnít the age. It's the mileage. Young at heart. Slightly older in other places.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
Retirement: twice as much husbands half as much money.
Over what hill? Where? When? I don't remember any hill.
I finally got my head together, but now my body is falling apart.
Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser
George Carlin Quote
Women are crazy. Men are stupid. The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Differences Between Man and Women
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
You really have to give this guy an A+ for effort.
George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?" His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again."
George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy.
As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?" Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size