well I am writing a blog because I would write it in a status, but it'll probably be a bit longer than that.
As of this morning at like 1 am, I am no longer on my no binge eating streak :( I was having insomnia and felt really hungry. And then I went to eat something but couldn't figure out what I wanted to eat, and still felt too hungry and...yeah I ate too much.
I think it'll be okay as long as I commit to avoiding it the rest of the day, tomorrow, etc again. I know I can do it again. Keeping track of the days I'm on a streak really helped me avoid it, so I'm going to go back to that. Also like I saw on someone else's blog me: 5, bingeing: 1. That's the recent score. Not bad.
And I tracked pretty much everything I ate (except for one food that I didn't have the info for...) and I think I can still stick to the range I need to be give or take. I'll also probably not eat the types of snacks I usually allow myself to have and eat fruit instead.
I feel weird talking about this because I think people might think I'm being too hard on myself or obsessing over food too much. The problem is, in the past I have not cared about controlling this sort of stuff to my detriment. I want to maintain the wonderful progress I have made in getting to a healthier (and continue with my journey) weight/size. And I don't want my health problems to come back.
But to change the subject to more positive things while I'm here:
I was procrastinating working on my math lab homework this whole semester basically. But this week that finally changed. And I took an exam for it yesterday. I was aiming to get at least a 75, but I actually got an 88! GO ME! So happy!
I have a ton more stuff to do for school though, it's crunch time. I need to try not to be on the internet doing non school work stuff as much...but in the past few days I've somehow stopped caring about facebook which can sometimes cause anxiety/overwhelm me for some reason. I have not been keeping track of my facebook friends statuses as much...and it actually feels relieving! So, I think I'll try to limit that because it makes me feel good. Although I'll have to work on having more of an in person social life too.
Ok the following is a little story about my love life: It's slightly personal and slightly sickeningly cute at times, so be warned...and try to keep a somewhat non judgmental attitude if you can...I don't have another good place to write about it but here...but I'm writing it mostly for myself and my sparkfriends that I know might get a kick out of it.
Speaking of social things...haha. I recently broke up with my boyfriend. It just wasn't working out, I think we'll still be good friends but we're not cut out for a romantic relationship. He seemed to understand and be good about it, not that I really expected anything else.
I guess I'm excited though, and maybe feel a little weird that it happened so fast, but a guy started talking to me online the next day. He is really cool. We were talking about just being friends, taking it really slow and stuff, but we talked so much in messages back and forth really in depth. It was really cool and I was/am very impressed with his ability to have things to talk about me, relate to me, and I don't know...his personality and seemingly compatibility with me. We both keep saying we are going to be slow moving....but I don't think that is going so well since the next day (yesterday) we went out for coffee (I had tea) and then to a tea house where he had beer and I had (more) tea (the second tea was even better than the first tea! it was chamomile vanilla bean and it tasted like candy! only problem was it was a small teapot and I drank it all and there was a line for the bathroom, haha). We kept joking about how we're supposed to stay slow moving...but there were a few things that just didn't stay that way. Like he scolded himself for commenting on my appearance (I didn't really care, it's nice to hear I'm cute haha), and some other little things like...I was talking to him and feeling weird about what my hands were doing and he noticed and I was like "well ideally I'd want a toy thing like a stress ball or something...I like to fidget)" and he was like "well it's not slow moving so I can't hold your hand" --good thing it wouldn't have really helped with my need-to-fidget problem, because I probably would have failed at slow moving right then and there and took him up on the offer.
Later on though...when we came out of the tea place? It was pouring! And I was the only one with an umbrella. haha. I was the one who told him he could walk with me under the umbrella, but my umbrella doesn't cover a lot of area...whoops...so he asked me if it was okay to walk really close to me hanging on to me...haha. He gave me a ride home only because there was basically no other way--I took the bus to meet him, and if I took the bus home, I would have had to walk 2 miles back home in the dark and rain. So, uh almost near my house he was asking about seeing me again, and did hold my hand. Except I got worried he'd cause and accident, haha. But we did sort of continue holding hands for like...idk a few minutes. And then when we got into my neighborhood I was like "take the long way not the short way too my house! I don't want to stop talking!" haha. But eventually we still ended up saying goodbye pretty quickly, considering as he says we are "slow-moving adults" hahaha.
All in all though, or in summation, I don't think it's going to be as slow as I was hoping before I really started talking to him. Whoops. I think the plan of being totally platonic for awhile is impossible. It's already failed. I'm okay with that. I just am not going to jump into a serious relationship right away. I want lots of dates and to get to know him really well before we become an official couple! Like...at least 2 months of dates, or something? I don't even know! Taking things slow is actually quite new for me...but I'm glad I am trying...but also kinda giddy and hopeful? ummm yeah.