Friday, December 06, 2013
My companions are a bloated stomach, joint and muscle pain. I sit with my legs apart to provide room for my belly, in order to tie my shoes. This morning I attempted to tied my shoes on a stool and almost fell forward right on to our hot fireplace insert.
I am sitting here typing, feeling depressed and physically ill. I feel like vomiting but I know itís from acid reflux. I took a pill and ate three Tums. I have a dull throbbing on the top right of my sternum. My right hand middle and ring finger and tips have pain from the cold even though I am in a heated room. My left lower bicep has sporadic pain.
I suffer from lateral and medial knee ligament pain that recently seems better. I gage this by how severe my knee gets stiff from sitting. If I am not careful about my walking pattern there is severe pain. I have difficulty putting on my underwear, jeans, socks, and then shoes this troubles me. Last night I was short of breath (hyperventilating) and in pain while on my knees feeding the fire. I needed to place one hand on a stool and the other on the iron fire box to balance myself while standing up. At least I am smart enough to wear gloves. This may sound dark but at least I can walk a few steps and recover my breath when I stop. I have visions of obese Ed Daily needing to be pulled from his chair while his wife kept feeding him. I swear she killed him by force feeding him.
Historically, I gained weight any time food is immediately available. While single, I would eat only a few days of the week. I was poor and could not make up my mind while in the grocery store on what to purchase with the few dollars I earned. Fast food was fattening and cost way too much. I would take a nap instead of eating. It was easier and less trouble than going to the store to buy the ingredients. If I wanted to lose weight, on the days I ate I would eat before 2:30 in the afternoon.
What I find unnatural is self monitoring my calories when food is readily available. I eat too much of everything and seldom move from my desk or lounge chair. I'd cry if it would solve my problem. No luck there. If food is there Iíll eat it. When I eat, I gorged which is called binge eating. Now I am so obese that gorging has become painful or at least uncomfortable for a few days. I donít even enjoy most of the food I eat. I eat meals because the food is there not because I am hungry. The food taste good but my desire for it is not enough for me to purchase or prepare most of it.