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RKJONES1953
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Hello Ö.My name is Richard and I am a Food Addict

Friday, December 06, 2013

My companions are a bloated stomach, joint and muscle pain. I sit with my legs apart to provide room for my belly, in order to tie my shoes. This morning I attempted to tied my shoes on a stool and almost fell forward right on to our hot fireplace insert.

I am sitting here typing, feeling depressed and physically ill. I feel like vomiting but I know itís from acid reflux. I took a pill and ate three Tums. I have a dull throbbing on the top right of my sternum. My right hand middle and ring finger and tips have pain from the cold even though I am in a heated room. My left lower bicep has sporadic pain.

I suffer from lateral and medial knee ligament pain that recently seems better. I gage this by how severe my knee gets stiff from sitting. If I am not careful about my walking pattern there is severe pain. I have difficulty putting on my underwear, jeans, socks, and then shoes this troubles me. Last night I was short of breath (hyperventilating) and in pain while on my knees feeding the fire. I needed to place one hand on a stool and the other on the iron fire box to balance myself while standing up. At least I am smart enough to wear gloves. This may sound dark but at least I can walk a few steps and recover my breath when I stop. I have visions of obese Ed Daily needing to be pulled from his chair while his wife kept feeding him. I swear she killed him by force feeding him.

Historically, I gained weight any time food is immediately available. While single, I would eat only a few days of the week. I was poor and could not make up my mind while in the grocery store on what to purchase with the few dollars I earned. Fast food was fattening and cost way too much. I would take a nap instead of eating. It was easier and less trouble than going to the store to buy the ingredients. If I wanted to lose weight, on the days I ate I would eat before 2:30 in the afternoon.
What I find unnatural is self monitoring my calories when food is readily available. I eat too much of everything and seldom move from my desk or lounge chair. I'd cry if it would solve my problem. No luck there. If food is there Iíll eat it. When I eat, I gorged which is called binge eating. Now I am so obese that gorging has become painful or at least uncomfortable for a few days. I donít even enjoy most of the food I eat. I eat meals because the food is there not because I am hungry. The food taste good but my desire for it is not enough for me to purchase or prepare most of it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v JUNEAU2010
    I am well on my way down your path.
    960 days ago
  • v HDHAWK
    Maybe you could start with a few oft the chair exercise videos available here on spark. The podcast Inside Out Weight Loss talks a lot about dealing with the issues that really cause us to eat. You can download from iTunes or listen online. You've reached out for support and there is plenty of that on Spark. Good luck to you!
    966 days ago
  • v HDHAWK
    Maybe you could start with a few oft the chair exercise videos available here on spark. The podcast Inside Out Weight Loss talks a lot about dealing with the issues that really cause us to eat. You can download from iTunes or listen online. You've reached out for support and there is plenty of that on Spark. Good luck to you!
    966 days ago
  • v KING_SLAYER
    Owning up to our short comings is definitely the proper way to begin to deal with them. I always try to break down my troubles into smaller pieces and go after them that way. One small step at a time.
    966 days ago
  • v MYHANDS4GOD
    Good for you to admit it. I am part of a 12 step program and the first step is to admit you are powerless over your addiction. I have had to go back to doing my 12 steps to address my eating addiction.Some days I feel like it is winning over me but I have to be stronger. You can do it!
    966 days ago
  • v BECCA315
    Wow! You had a lot to say. But admitting you have a problem could be the start of your healing. Please take care of yourself. Becca
    966 days ago
  • v A_SIZE6
    I am also a food addict as well. that is my biggest struggle. you are not alone. they say awareness is key this is the first step. They do have a spark teams that deal with eating disorders such as living binge free, evening snacking sabotage etc.
    966 days ago
  • v THOMASINA57
    It's not easy to live with chronic pain and you have more than your fair share of that! Just the fact that you are here on Spark and writing about your food addiction tells me you really want to try to get a handle on your eating.

    You can do this and I went and had a look at your Spark page and you have a nice family, whom I sure would be happy to have you healthier. Take things one day, one, hour or even one minute at a time and keep on Sparking!!!

    Take Care.. the best you can! emoticon
    966 days ago
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