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    JESSIHOVER2   7,581
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95 Weeks


Friday, December 06, 2013

I am now in my 95th week of maintenance. That's 665 days since I reached my goal weight. It hasn't been all easy, in fact I would say much harder than losing weight. Just like anything else in life there have been ups and downs, 665 days of them.

When I first entered into maintenance I got so scared of gaining the weight back that not only did I not increase calorie intake, but I actually decreased it and increased exercise. I got dangerously close to having a full blown eating disorder, I thought I just entered the best time of my life, the truth is it was the hardest. For the first 6 months of maintenance I spent every second of my days obsessing over not gaining, and trying to lose as much as possible. My husband, mother and doctor finally intervened and I had to disconnect from weight loss, and sparkpeople.

The next few months were hard. I had to force myself to eat, I wasn't ready to cut back on exercise so I really had to increase my calories. It was awful, that sounds so crazy. I gained weight back, every pound I saw added on made me sick, I cried a lot during this time.

Then I gave up a little. I spent the last few months of 2012 in a major funk. I wasn't working out as much as I normally would have, I was eating horribly and the truth it I was just DONE! I think more than anything I was tired. Even though this lead to some weight gain I didn't want it was just what I needed.

Since the beginning of 2013 I have been giving in my all to just "be". The idea of maintenance for me is to not continually obsess. I starting counting my calories again, which for me just works. I don't obsess about the calories, I don't hate myself if I eat to much I just move on. I allow myself treats, which I have realized helps me not feel the need to overindulge.

I workout like a beast, but that has become my new normal. I rarely have to force myself to workout anymore, I mean there are those days but not very often. I have made this a lifestyle. Food, weight loss and exercise are a part of my life, just no longer MY ENTIRE LIFE. I am no longer fully consumed by calories, the number on my scale and most importantly I don't feel constant guilt. It's funny that it has taken so long to fill comfortable again. I am sure I have a long way to go still but for now I feel at peace with myself.


(Halloween 2013, I fell like a Super Hero sometimes!)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 1/7/2014 2:18PM

    I'm catching up on blogs today. I fell behind with the holidays.

It sounds like you have really found a nice healthy balance, and the fact that the changes are so normal for you now will help ensure your maintenance will remain a success!

I LOVE your Halloween costume - you look great!!

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TASNIM2014 12/11/2013 6:26AM

    You are an inspiration and your progress is AMAZING. I guess maintenance is a trial and error process just like the weight loss journey is... Glad you found what works for you.
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NIELSENSLADY 12/6/2013 11:33PM

    You are a super hero! emoticon emoticon

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