Friday, December 06, 2013
It's been a rough week for me :( Honestly, the fact that it has been a rough week makes me really sad, too. When I came back from NJ on Sunday, though tired, I was feeling better mentally about things in my life. In fact, when I went to therapy on Monday morning, my therapist said it was the happiest and most relaxed he had seen me. We even agreed that instead of me going back in 2 weeks, we would try to do a step-down on my treatment so I wouldnt come back for another month. And then I feel like everything just went down hill on Tuesday night. :( I know my mom is going to have good and bad days, and I know that her good and bad days will cause me to have some bad days, too, because I care about her so I will of course worry about her. But I am really struggling because my father and brother are putting a lot of their stress on me, too. I mean, I appreciate them keeping me in the loop, but when they vent TO me, I feel like I have to take on their stress, too. And I want to be supportive for everyone, but then I feel like I have no strength left for myself. This was one of the reasons I started go to go therapy, except for work stuff. I was taking on my clients' stresses and didnt have anything left to help me. So I basically feel like I am back to where I started. And recently J has been completely unsupportive, and honestly I am so, so mad right now. I get that it's a busy time for him at work right now with finals and grading, but would it kill him to just give me a few hours one night when I am hysterically crying just so that I am not alone?!
I did steam clean my carpets on Wednesday after work - we got released early so it seemed like a productive use of my time. It wasnt that difficult, but I only did the living room (my only carpetted room downstairs). I still plan to do the entire upstairs and the stairs themselves at some point, but the living room was the most important. I am planning to put up my Christmas tree tonight, and maybe that will help improve my mood a bit.
It has been extremely cold here. It is -1F right now, but feels like -6F. My tire pressure light came on yesterday and this morning, but it is so cold the last thing I want to do is stand outside at the gas station putting air in my tires! Hopefully I dont get a flat anytime soon!! I am supposed to run the Ugly Christmas Sweater 5k tomorrow. It is going to be 11F at race time. But it will only feel like 2F. I dont know about all of you, but that does not sound fun at all. I am very much considering just going to the gym and running on the treadmill instead, where it is warm. I hate cold weather. I am not sure I want to turn into an icicle while running a race. The roads in my neighborhood continued to be covered in hard-packed snow/ice. Is the park even going to be shovelled for the race?! Blech.
We are going to a holiday party tomorrow night. The legal office at the base I worked for invited us to attend. I thought it was nice they included us, since I work in an office of 2 people and we were clearly not having a holiday party. So we'll stop by for a little while. And then on Sunday I am determined to try my first yoga class at the local yoga studio. I am also hoping to get my Christmas shopping done this weekend. I just want to be finished with it so I am not rushing around the next two weeks. It's mostly just gift cards anyway. My brother and I agreed to just give each other gift cards instead of trying to find really nice presents. I think thats a good idea, anyway.
I told myself I wouldnt start anymore quilt tops until I quilted the two I already had done, but last night I found myself cutting fabric for another quilt top. The fabric cutting is very relaxing for me. So I guess another quilt top is in the works. Hopefully I can get it all done before heading back to NJ on the 22nd.
My paralegal and I agreed to leave early today. It is Wingman Day for the base here, which means most offices are closed and everyone is doing "team building" exercises and the like. That seems like a valid reason to start the weekend early.