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Feeling Down

Friday, December 06, 2013

It's been a rough week for me :( Honestly, the fact that it has been a rough week makes me really sad, too. When I came back from NJ on Sunday, though tired, I was feeling better mentally about things in my life. In fact, when I went to therapy on Monday morning, my therapist said it was the happiest and most relaxed he had seen me. We even agreed that instead of me going back in 2 weeks, we would try to do a step-down on my treatment so I wouldnt come back for another month. And then I feel like everything just went down hill on Tuesday night. :( I know my mom is going to have good and bad days, and I know that her good and bad days will cause me to have some bad days, too, because I care about her so I will of course worry about her. But I am really struggling because my father and brother are putting a lot of their stress on me, too. I mean, I appreciate them keeping me in the loop, but when they vent TO me, I feel like I have to take on their stress, too. And I want to be supportive for everyone, but then I feel like I have no strength left for myself. This was one of the reasons I started go to go therapy, except for work stuff. I was taking on my clients' stresses and didnt have anything left to help me. So I basically feel like I am back to where I started. And recently J has been completely unsupportive, and honestly I am so, so mad right now. I get that it's a busy time for him at work right now with finals and grading, but would it kill him to just give me a few hours one night when I am hysterically crying just so that I am not alone?!

I did steam clean my carpets on Wednesday after work - we got released early so it seemed like a productive use of my time. It wasnt that difficult, but I only did the living room (my only carpetted room downstairs). I still plan to do the entire upstairs and the stairs themselves at some point, but the living room was the most important. I am planning to put up my Christmas tree tonight, and maybe that will help improve my mood a bit.

It has been extremely cold here. It is -1F right now, but feels like -6F. My tire pressure light came on yesterday and this morning, but it is so cold the last thing I want to do is stand outside at the gas station putting air in my tires! Hopefully I dont get a flat anytime soon!! I am supposed to run the Ugly Christmas Sweater 5k tomorrow. It is going to be 11F at race time. But it will only feel like 2F. I dont know about all of you, but that does not sound fun at all. I am very much considering just going to the gym and running on the treadmill instead, where it is warm. I hate cold weather. I am not sure I want to turn into an icicle while running a race. The roads in my neighborhood continued to be covered in hard-packed snow/ice. Is the park even going to be shovelled for the race?! Blech.

We are going to a holiday party tomorrow night. The legal office at the base I worked for invited us to attend. I thought it was nice they included us, since I work in an office of 2 people and we were clearly not having a holiday party. So we'll stop by for a little while. And then on Sunday I am determined to try my first yoga class at the local yoga studio. I am also hoping to get my Christmas shopping done this weekend. I just want to be finished with it so I am not rushing around the next two weeks. It's mostly just gift cards anyway. My brother and I agreed to just give each other gift cards instead of trying to find really nice presents. I think thats a good idea, anyway.

I told myself I wouldnt start anymore quilt tops until I quilted the two I already had done, but last night I found myself cutting fabric for another quilt top. The fabric cutting is very relaxing for me. So I guess another quilt top is in the works. Hopefully I can get it all done before heading back to NJ on the 22nd.

My paralegal and I agreed to leave early today. It is Wingman Day for the base here, which means most offices are closed and everyone is doing "team building" exercises and the like. That seems like a valid reason to start the weekend early.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon take care of yourself first and try and do relaxing things everyday that you love to do!! It's hard when family is sick!! Hope things get easier!!
    1089 days ago
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    1091 days ago
    Whenever I feel awful about my life I think about someone else who has it worse. Sometimes it is hard to be thankful for things but that is when we need to find the silver lining most! I went through cancer, chemo, radiation, several cycles of those, and illness and death with my Mom. It was horrible. But what kept me going was support and thankfulness for what I DID have. If you're boyfriend is really unwilling to support you, maybe its time to look at that relationship. My husband and I were not married when this was going on and he was RIGHT there any time, and actually TOO much for me. Just my thoughts, I know everyone is different.
    1092 days ago
    Raine, You have a lot going on. I hope you have some places (like here!!) to vent also. Thinking of you and sending warm hugs. I am also not liking the cold weather but we are not anywhere near you guys. Hang in there. Spring is around the corner.
    1092 days ago
    emoticon Lifting you up in prayer during this trying time for you. I find that my faith and burning up the prayer line with Jesus really gives me peace. It doesn't take away my mountains but it helps me handle the situation better. Ginger is right. We are here for you so if you need to vent please do so. It can help and we are good listeners.

    As you get your tree up and shopping done that will help lessen your stress. Take time for you. Maybe a hot bath with some nice smelling bath oil, a hot cup of tea or cocoa and a good book. "Me Time" is so important in order to recharge your batteries. Make the time.

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    1092 days ago
    Hang in there! The tree'll look pretty and cheer you up. Go run your'll feel better than if you ditch it, I know I would!
    1093 days ago
  • CINDYKC2000
    Raine, feel free to vent right back to your dad and brother. Also, listen without taking on their stress. I know, easier said than done, but I suspect you can do it more than you realize. You cannot change what is going on or the people in your life. You need to do what is best for you and stay strong for yourself. emoticon emoticon
    1093 days ago
    Hang in there, you will get thru it. I can't believe it is so cold there, it is 80 here in NC!
    1093 days ago
    emoticon Christmas trees always cheer me up.
    1093 days ago
    1093 days ago
    Don't let everything get you down. I obviously don't know what's going on in your life, but just remember there are people out there who are willing to help you. Even if it is just to vent to. I hope everything works out all right for you, try to think of all the positive things. For every negative thought that pops in your head, find two good things about it.

    Have a great weekend, and remember to smile :)
    1093 days ago
    emoticon I am sorry that you are having a rough time. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for yourself. You are getting things done, exercising, and doing relaxing activities. My mom used to tell me that cutting fabric was so relaxing. You brought special memories back to me with that statement. I don't know what J does but my husband is a college professor and this is such a busy time for him too. Keep doing what you are doing. My mom used to say, "This too shall pass." Things will get better. One day at a time. We are here for you! Hang in there.

    1093 days ago
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