Wednesday, December 04, 2013
I honestly thought that once I had lost 20kg the fat days would be over. I'd never hate my body again. But, I'm a woman and we tend to be very hard on ourselves. I'm especially hard on myself, always striving for something that would take photoshop to achieve.
I shouldn't feel fat. This is a photo of me 6 weeks ago
I'm a size 10 (US 6) with a normal BMI. Top end of normal but I lift heavy and have a lot of muscle. My fiance tells me that I'm perfect, my friends tell me to stop worrying. Despite all of that reassurance I'm still not happy with my body and I still have days where I feel fat.
There was an incident that I didn't blog about. It was around 2 weeks ago, at the supermarket. A woman whispered (loudly) to her partner something about my legs and how they looked in the shorts that I was wearing. Looking straight at me, I was the only person in the aisle. I went and got a block of chocolate (because I'm human and I eat some junk food) and the woman commented about how I looked guilty and I knew I shouldn't be eating chocolate.
Now the above sounds unbelievable, right? Who would actually say that about someone when they can hear? Her, apparently. I've been really down on myself ever since then, especially about my thighs. I have been trying to think positive things, like
- I was wearing size 10 (US size 6) shorts. How can anyone who wears that size have fat thighs?
- I can squat and deadlift my own body weight, so I have some serious muscle going on in my thighs. I still have fat on my legs because that is where I carry it.
- She wasn't exactly a picture of slimness and health (OK that isn't positive, but she started it!)
So, that is where I'm at. 20kg down. In maintenance for nearly a year with a 1-2kg gain. Still feel fat some days.