Wednesday, December 04, 2013
I'm struggling with this whole weight loss thing. I'm back up above my starting weight for the BLC and I ate what should have been 2 meals for dinner last night. We should be closing on our house in 6 weeks, so I'm kind of in a holding pattern until then. I struggle with food because DH sits down with the candy bowl or the bag of chips, or whatever comes to hand and plows through it. Sometimes, I feel like I should eat it all because it won't be here tomorrow. He also gets frustrated when I don't sit still while he watches TV all evening (from the time we get home from work until bedtime). He tells me he wants to work out with me and lose the weight, mostly because I said I wanted to be at my goal weight before we start trying for babies, but he won't work out and he chows down on everything. He doesn't see my weight as an issue. I'm over 50 pounds above my goal (and that's above "healthy" BMI)! His solution this morning, when I told him my bras don't fit very well anymore and I couldn't get them at Dillards anymore, so they're going to be specialty ones, was "Let's go bra shopping tonight!" when we really don't have the money for multiple $100 bras. I feel like I'm whining about all of this, but it gets really frustrating. I WANT to lose weight, but it feels like the more I try, the higher my weight goes. I was really successful in Auburn. I lost 20 pounds and kept it off most of the summer. I gained it all back when I started stressing about my class that would determine if I got my degree or not.
I think I'm just burned out at this point. I've been trying to do so many things and keep so many people happy that I can't take care of myself. I'm trying, but every time he gets frustrated and wants me to sit down, I do. For hours. I keep eating because if I don't, there won't be any left. We desperately need more space, and we both desperately need to lose weight and get fit, especially if we want kids. This weight problem is out of hand.