To my friend.
Wednesday, December 04, 2013
Sad times of recent date. I went to see you about 2 weeks ago today. Feeling bad that we had lost touch after I moved. Your sister posted on Facebook encouraging visitors and you address in the nursing home. People younger than me are not supposed to be in nursing homes. Should not happen. I wondered breafly about why you were there. But the thoughts of why quickly left in favor of plans of the errands I needed to run and where I thought the address was.
I am so grateful I did not take time to worry about if you were too sick to see me or the fact that somehow we never did get together after I moved a few more miles away. I was busy raising kids and you were busy raising kids and working. I saw you a couple of times here and there.
I walked into the room. Your aunt was there. You were in bed. You looked so much worse than I could have imagined. We talked for a long time. I enjoyed the visit. You asked me several times if I really did not know what had happened. Mom and Dad neglected to tell me. I cried and went to talk to another friend for comfort at the end of that visit. I promised myself that I would call you every week. Got your cell number and everything. You said you would like that. I figured it was the least I could do. You were back in the ICU in just a few days. My fear was coming true. I was not sure how you were going to heal from all of this. I was worried about your kids, your family and you. I believe in miracles, I was hoping for a miracle. The story did not end that way.
I know that you are now well. I can hear you laughing and know that it is OK for me to be sad for a time. I will miss our conversations from yesteryear. I am grateful for our friendship. I am grateful for the your frequent visits and all that we shared. I am sorry we lost touch but grateful for that last visit.
There is a haunting thought from that last visit. You could not choose. Your body was shutting down. Past the point that diet and exercising could help. I keep hearing in my head "Mom why did you just take care of yourself?" I am a diabetic. Diet and exercise could help me. I know you would have given anything to be in my place. It is time for me to make the most of it.
I want to honor you. So I am giving myself a one hundred day challenge.
For 100 days I will:
1. Spend time with my journal, my scriptures and in prayer.
2. Spend time organizing/cleaning my home daily.
3. Eat low carb, low fat like Southbeach.
4. Check my bloodsugar daily and take my medicine.
5. Eat mindfully.
I promise I will be kind to myself and committed to these goals.
Love you, miss you, glad I could visit you one last time. You were always the kind of friend that we picked up where ever we had left off, it was great. Enjoy the rest of your journey my friend until we meet again.