Monday, December 02, 2013
I've been exploring binge eating disorder for sometime now. I've known for years that I have a problem and I've been able to "manage" it over the last few BUT I still need to come to terms with it and likely ask for some professional help.
As an adult I have flashes of my childhood ... as far back as age five I was binge eating. I remember the shame that would come over me when my mother would confront me about wrappers she would find or foods that were missing. Even to this day when she says, "oh I remember when ... (insert story)" I cringe uncontrollably and want to scream.
Outside of SP I haven't really talked about it. Again, shame plays a huge roll in that. However, this year I made efforts to put it into words and share what I have going on with others in my life. I find that many are stunned into silence while others try to ask "the right questions" and still others nervously move away from the subject. I believe talking about it helps but only in part. In the end, what I'm trying to do is shine a light on it so I'm not living in the darkness.
Over the holiday weekend I did my best not to let food control me. I did well. Although I did have a moment alone with the GIANT apple pie. When the Mr wen to get a piece he looked at me stunned and asked ... what happened to the pie. I puffed up a bit and announced ... I ATE some - why? Quietly he inquired about the when because we had been together all day and evening. I walked away thinking ... well yes, but you did take a shower. *sigh*
Thursday we have someone coming to stay with us for the next four months ... which is a story for another blog. Want to know my biggest worry ... my binge eating. I have a lot of alone time now but with someone else underfoot my me time will dwindle to near nothing. In the past when my me time has disappeared I've felt out of control in my mind, short tempered and anxious because I can't *secretly* binge.
No one in my personal life judges me for my actions/reactions but they are concerned. I judge myself harshly and my binges are a problem. Then! on top of all that I worry about putting the weight back on (125 lbs) due to the binges so I HAVE to workout.
The workouts actually help. I enjoy physical movement and getting all hot and sweaty. I've been telling myself to use my gym time or walks to counterbalance my frustrations while our guest is here. I'm hopeful!
I broke my long standing no gym time on Monday's today. It felt great to go and use the arc trainer. I've also started using my Mio heart-rate monitor to get an accurate burn rate. I'm looking forward to using it during circuit training class ... I anticipate a large burn during that 30 min. class. Trainer Janet saw me there and I have to say she is a huge inspiration to me and we communicate via social media which helps me.
Here's what I have found in my research re: Binge Eating
Signs of binge eating disorder:
Ask yourself the following questions. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you have binge eating disorder.
Do you feel out of control when you’re eating?
Do you think about food all the time?
Do you eat in secret?
Do you eat until you feel sick?
Do you eat to escape from worries, relieve stress, or to comfort yourself?
Do you feel disgusted or ashamed after eating?
Do you feel powerless to stop eating, even though you want to?
*I answer YES to every question listed above.
Behavioral symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating
Inability to stop eating or control what you’re eating
Rapidly eating large amounts of food
Eating even when you're full
Hiding or stockpiling food to eat later in secret
Eating normally around others, but gorging when you’re alone
Eating continuously throughout the day, with no planned mealtimes
Emotional symptoms of binge eating and compulsive overeating
Feeling stress or tension that is only relieved by eating
Embarrassment over how much you’re eating
Feeling numb while bingeing—like you’re not really there or you’re on auto-pilot.
Never feeling satisfied, no matter how much you eat
Feeling guilty, disgusted, or depressed after overeating
Desperation to control weight and eating habits
*Everything listed above describes me.
10 strategies for overcoming binge eating
Manage stress. *I'm constantly trying to do this*
Eat 3 meals a day plus healthy snacks. *I do this ... it doesn't help me*
Avoid temptation. *temptation is EVERYWHERE*
Stop dieting. *I have*
Fight boredom. *I'm constantly trying to do this*
Get enough sleep. *Oh Yes!*
Listen to your body. *Always*
Keep a food diary. *on and off ... it helps but I can't imagine doing this for life*
I'm looking forward to the next chapter(s) in life.