Friday, November 29, 2013
Well, after reading my last post dated May of 2013, I was very surprised I still had not really committed to taking care of myself. Why? What was the issue... Mom! Once I got her settled in the nursing home, she just could not settle in. She became extremely demanding of my time and I had to do what I felt was the unthinkable... I had to cut the ties. Although this may sound harsh, I had to back off and let her find herself and become a person who would join in with activities at the center. Otherwise she would just sit in her room and cry because I was not coming to visit. I had that heart to heart with her. I could not be there, work full time, take care of my home, her home, her healthcare and myself in the process. It was a difficult talk but she got the message and has become a social butterfly at the center.
She has not given up trying to manipulate, but that is what got me back here today. She pulled a good one on me yesterday, Thanksgiving Day, and I made the decision. I have had enough. It is hard enough getting used to the dementia, but to hide behind it and manipulate... NO! I have learned how to read her, and this was a deliberate attempt to manipulate. Because of the dementia, she gave herself away... she was busted! I was deeply hurt, but it caused me to take charge of my own life and that was probably the best thing that could have happened for me.
In communicating to my brother, there was yet another eye opener. He has not been exactly supportive and helpful, but when I told him what happened, he actually apologized to me for not being there for me. I just sat down and cried! He hasn't been there for me.. but to acknowledge it... that was huge!
I am back, I have gone through some of the steps with creating the new pages within the new setup... Love it by the way. I even exercised already, and set up some group exercises that I will be doing every day so I don't need to spend a lot of time logging in all of them.
I am so excited to have broken free from the chains that have had me bound for so long. What an exhilarating feeling. I feel like every pore of my body is smiling!