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    CINDY_LU_WHO   6,211
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Continuing the Journey...


Friday, November 29, 2013

Well, after reading my last post dated May of 2013, I was very surprised I still had not really committed to taking care of myself. Why? What was the issue... Mom! Once I got her settled in the nursing home, she just could not settle in. She became extremely demanding of my time and I had to do what I felt was the unthinkable... I had to cut the ties. Although this may sound harsh, I had to back off and let her find herself and become a person who would join in with activities at the center. Otherwise she would just sit in her room and cry because I was not coming to visit. I had that heart to heart with her. I could not be there, work full time, take care of my home, her home, her healthcare and myself in the process. It was a difficult talk but she got the message and has become a social butterfly at the center.

She has not given up trying to manipulate, but that is what got me back here today. She pulled a good one on me yesterday, Thanksgiving Day, and I made the decision. I have had enough. It is hard enough getting used to the dementia, but to hide behind it and manipulate... NO! I have learned how to read her, and this was a deliberate attempt to manipulate. Because of the dementia, she gave herself away... she was busted! I was deeply hurt, but it caused me to take charge of my own life and that was probably the best thing that could have happened for me.

In communicating to my brother, there was yet another eye opener. He has not been exactly supportive and helpful, but when I told him what happened, he actually apologized to me for not being there for me. I just sat down and cried! He hasn't been there for me.. but to acknowledge it... that was huge!

I am back, I have gone through some of the steps with creating the new pages within the new setup... Love it by the way. I even exercised already, and set up some group exercises that I will be doing every day so I don't need to spend a lot of time logging in all of them.

I am so excited to have broken free from the chains that have had me bound for so long. What an exhilarating feeling. I feel like every pore of my body is smiling!
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CINDY_LU_WHO 11/30/2013 6:02AM

    Please don't be sorry for the hard times, these are what develop our character. Either you let them do you in, or you choose to rise above! I finally found my inner strength and chose to rise above.

I love Mom, but it is far too late for her to change and the dementia is taking its toll. There is absolutely nothing I can do about that. What I can manage is her desire to manipulate me, sad as that is.

I have overcome soooooooooooooo much in my life, you just could not begin to imagine. My counselor sat dumbfounded after I finally reached the end of my family issues that have brought me to where I am today. Her immediate response: WOW.... WOW... and after a few minutes of silence... WOW! You are an amazingly strong woman in spite of everything you have gone through. How have you managed?

My answer: there but by the grace of G_D go I. Seriously... I believe that with all my heart because without him I would have died from Lupus. If that did not kill me, my broken heart would have but He has held me so close for so long and protected me in ways I am not even aware of. emoticon He has put a song in my heart in the worst of times and it has pulled me through.

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HIKETOHEIGHTS 11/29/2013 6:17PM

    Sorry for the hard times and glad you have worked it out!
Victoria
Dr. Oz Show Fans Team Leader

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