Thursday, November 28, 2013
Life seems a cycle. One that is hard to break. It's been about 15 years ago - I was only half my age now, that I was at my ideal weight. Then, everything fell appart. I am unsure what it caused - I seek comfort in food to a greater extend than many others may do. I got my first severe depression, I was faced with great changes in my environment, maybe I was running on too big of a goal and could no longer keep up my effort. What ever it was, it made me fall. I almost doulbed my weight within only 2 month - adding 50% of body fat.
Now, that I am much older and since just over a year go for a healthly lifestyle things seem to repeat. The big change is that I am actually harming myself by eating consiously things that impact my health. So why am I doing this? And how can I get out of this? I seeked a therapist that does not help much at the moment I feel. The upcoming loss of my job, the exam stress, the family stress, the growing distance between my hubby and me doesn't help it. I feel at merrit and hate it. I am too proud and too independent to let people and situations like that get onto me. Yet I realise I am no 20 anymore.