Wednesday, November 27, 2013
I incorporated these little fast break goals into my routine. And for the most part, I stick with them. But I have this nagging feeling that it's not enough. 30 minutes of mindless pedaling is nothing when I could really be sweating it out for 60. And what's the point of that healthy breakfast when you trash the rest of your food budget with junkfood after dinner? Reading success stories does little to help. It's just a painful reminder of what I seem unable to do.
I dread the holidays. I try to find joy in the little things, but my head is cluttered and I'm stressed over Christmas and gift giving. I don't know why I'm in a hurry to get back to doing nothing, but I am. My quiet life is comforting, even though I'm restless and not comfortable at all with the passing of time, because that's all it really is. Ugh! What a hollow existence!
I'm utterly surprised when someone cheers me on and says how well I'm doing. Are you kidding? I'm a going- no-where, miserable wreck! I don't wish to be. I have aspirations, but they too seem hollow. I want to lose weight to regain confidence. I want to excel in my career, though I don't know what that next step should be. I have other dreams, but I'm afraid to formulate a plan to go get them. What is wrong with me?! *shrug* Something for further contemplation later.
Okay, pity party adjourned! Sorry for the big stinker amidst all the holiday cheer.