Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Showing up is important. Especially showing up to the mirror, myself, looking at the scale and saying this far and no farther. I know every bite, every sedentary moment that got me here. I know many of them were spent in grief, or denial so I don't feel grief. Its okay. Grief takes time. It takes time for it to become good grief.
I can see now why recently when friends see me they've given me that more compassionate look. I wasn't seeing myself from the outside. I was too busy crouched inside, peeking out. But now that the cloak is off, I see that its quite visible the extra weight I've put on. Its okay. Its the look of someone being real with themselves. Enduring hardship and moving forward. Its life. We all cope with issues in different ways. Food is one of mine.
Now I'm ready to let go of the food crutch. One day at a time. Not so much after meal grazing tonight. Progress isn't perfect, but its progress.
Going to explore drinking apple cider vinegar 3x day and see how that affects me. There are some health issues I'd like to see improve, and through internet carousing yesterday was lead towards that train of thought, or more aptly called bitter swill. Even bought a book by Paul Braggs about it. Will report what comes of that. At any rate its bringing more conscious awareness of what I want to put inside my body, and that can't be bad.
I feel real honest and very clear lately ... which is kind of odd. I don't like how my body looks at this point in time, but my insides? Inside I am fricking beautiful