Tuesday, November 26, 2013
I had an awesome run on Sunday
Since then, I haven't tracked my food. I haven't kept up with my water. I didn't do any exercise yesterday.
Today I'm struggling. That's no surprise. I wasn't able to sleep last night. The night before I couldn't wake up. Anyhow, I'm trying my best to wake up enough to go to work today.
I keep asking myself why I can't seem to do this. Seriously? It's because I won't do this. That's the reality.
When I lost the weight before, I had first switched to a gluten free diet. It was tough, but I did it. I also completely cut out diet coke and chocolate milk. Over night. Gone. Just water. It was a tough week of withdrawals, but I made it.
Now? My go to beverage is coffee. Double double. Drinking my calories. My excuse is that I'm tired and I need it for energy. Reality is if I drink more water, especially when I'm feeling tired, I won't be as tired. Plain and simple. I know it. I've done it. So why can't I seem to do it now?
I feel so trapped. Trapped by my anger. Okay, I'll say it. I'm angry. I'm angry that the only path I know to get healthy means giving up things I love. Comfort foods. Cheese. gluten free pasta. gluten free perogies. coffee. sugar. It's not just giving these things up. I believe in everything in moderation, so it's not giving them up at all really. Just using some self control and self regulation. And replacing the excessiveness of these items with freggies.
I don't know why that last sentence makes me feel so angry. Yes, I'm picky, but I can find freggies I like to eat. It's not that hard. With some work, I can even find salads I like to eat.
So why angry? Why resisting these changes? I just don't get it.
Yes, looking at the mountain is overwhelming. I know that. I need to look at what I can do right now. What is the right step. The problem is, I hate to feel its' a wasted step. If I don't stick with it, it feels wasted to me.
Maybe that's what's making me so angry. Feeling like I'm wasting my time. I have zero patience - especially with me.
I guess I'm silly enough to still wish just moving a little more will get me to goal. Or just making one right decision - exchanging one coffee for a water - will get me there. But looking at the whole mountain is keeping me from making any progress at all.
Maybe I need to go back to the basics of what I did before. I defined my goals clearly and put them down in writing. I defined the mountain I want to climb. Then I decided what small steps would get me there. I would work on a weekly "boulder". Every day I would outline what I wanted to do that day. Just that. If I did more, bonus. But I wanted to do AT LEAST that. If I couldn't do at least that, I would have to look at what was standing in my way to do it.
I can start before I define my mountain. I need to have an idea of what my mountain is, and the steps I need to take to climb it. I can start on those steps.
I know some of the steps:
move more - I have a body media, and a running training program. I need to find something for my cross training days, but for now I can go with what I have.
drink more water - I have my water bottles, and cooler. I can do this
eat more freggies - it's not that hard. Find at least two new salad recipes to try this week. Eat at least two pieces of fruit a day. Any fruit I want is good.
cut back on/cut out coffee - it's cold out. replace it with something else? Or just start by cutting back?
track everything I eat so I KNOW what I'm eating, not guessing - I have sparkpeople. I love the tracker here. I know how to use the tracker. I just have to get into the habit again.
Looks like I'm ready to do my small stone of the week blog.