Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Okay, so I'm done feeling sorry for myself about the five pounds.
This is the second day in a row that I have gotten up with my alarm and gotten in a 30 minute workout before my day catches up with me. Any exercise I get later in the day is gravy. Well, maybe that's a poor choice of words since I don't really like gravy all that much. Bonus. Let's call it bonus. For the record, I haven't done this two days in a row since I was 19. NINETEEN. That's half my life ago. Speaking of which...
Although the scale may not be showing progress, I've been making progress in other areas which, in all honesty, are more important. Like a lot of people on SP, there have been some really stressful, traumatic, unfortunate events in my life that I chose to mask by eating. That was my coping mechanism. Granted, I think it was a safer choice than what my relatives chose as their coping mechanism (cigarettes, alchohol, drugs, etc). Still, I bear the weight (pun intended) of the pain. I have "Body by Oreo".
I have a sneaking suspicion that as I lose weight, it releases the things I tried to drown out into my consciousness. Here the last couple of weeks, I have been plagued at night by all kinds of memories. In the past, this would lead to more binge eating to quiet it down. However, somewhere along the way (and I credit this turnover fully to SparkPeople and the influence my fellow Sparkers), I have figured out how to disarm the ticking time bomb.
For instance, last night I was bothered by things, and I stopped myself mid-thought. "Hey!" I thought to myself, "that sh*t happened 5-10-20-maybe 30 years ago. That has absolutely no bearing on what is going on RIGHT NOW. I acknowledge that it sucked. There is no denying that it sucked. But it has made you stronger and wiser and smarter. And RIGHT NOW I am blessed with a comfortable bed, a nice warm house, and a husband who loves who is sleeping next to me and has the decency not to snore. You can't ask for more than that in life, and I think you know exactly how lucky you really are. So shut it down. It's done. Right now." When you keep putting things into that kind of perspective, whether it be the time that has elapsed, or how fortunate you are to have escaped in one piece, it makes it more difficult to dwell on the past. I'm not saying it's easy. It has taken me 37 years to get to this point, and there is always room for improvement. Always.
So, as much as I want the scale to move down, I think a healthier perspective on life and it's trials and tribulations are more important.