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Odds and Odds

Sunday, November 24, 2013

A customer at a counter of a garden ornament shop said to the cashier, “Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of those sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers.” The cashier replied “that’ll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten for the flamingos, six for the sunflowers, and an apology for my wife!”

Q: Did you hear about the person who forgot to pay their exorcist?
A: They were repossessed.

Two bachelors, Larry and Frank were out to dinner. The conversation drifted from office, sports to politics and then to cooking. “I got a cook book once” said Larry. “But I couldn’t do anything with it.” “Too much fancy stuff in it, huh?” asked Frank. “You said it, Larry replied, nodding. “Every one of those recipes began the same way: “Take a clean plate…”

Teacher: " George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

How do dogs communicate in the modern world?
P-mail
And how do they tweet?
Wee-mail

“Honey,” says a husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess. I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

Q: Why can't idiots make Kool-Aid?
A: They can't get a quart of water to stay in the envelope

The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier: “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.”
“Thank you very much, sir.”
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