Sunday, November 24, 2013
I don't remember most of yesterday...
It's in dark flashes but I can make out some parts. At 1:50 PM the 50th Anniversary of Doctor Who episode came on. Oh man, it was so good. What a plot twist! I can't even.. That's when I started drinking. Then I would guess at 4 PM I realized I had to eat something since I only had 300 calories so far. There's now only one place that I order food from and now that might be gone now because of my realization. I was halfway through my veggie burger and I just looked at it and didn't see it as food anymore. I saw it as a means to an end. The only reason I was eating this food was because I was drinking. It could have literally been anything and I didn't really care.
My life isn't centered around food. I don't even care about food. I only care about wine and that drives me. I could walk by a million donuts or spend the day in a bakery and not want it. But the moment I see a bottle of wine, that's it. My mom cannot resist sweets. It might even be worse for her because if you think about it, candy is around more than alcohol. At the office you're not going to see people sipping on wine but you sure see a candy dish on every desk.
I think my perspective has shifted and I see food as a fuel for my body. It is not a comfort or a feeling, it's fuel so I can do what I want. Like drinking or running or being stronger. Why have we as a society abused food so much that now we are at war with ourselves. Every food has been given some kind of meaning and that has shifted our perspectives. Because now you have to eat until you're stuffed on Thanksgiving. Because you must leave cookies out for Santa then secretly eat them. Because you have to eat cake on your birthday. So then you start looking at food like some kind of earned reward. It's just food.