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    SAPHRAEL   54,657
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My Numbers Journey

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Iím nervous going into the holiday season in the 230s. I joined Sparkpeople around my birthday in 2011 at my highest recorded weight of 254. I lost 20 pounds that year. In 2012, I lost another 13, but wasnít able to maintain it, gaining back 15 over the holiday months. Iíve managed to stay in the 230s all year in 2013. It appears that my best days are in the spring. It makes sense. Itís a season of renewal; my whole outlook improves in the spring. It should be spring all the time!

On average, over the past three years, I completed 267 fitness minutes per week or 1172 per month. Not too shabby. Iím sure they were near nil prior to 2011. Iím extremely grateful that I have a body that still does what I tell it to.

I havenít reflected on the numbers in quite awhile. I should track a few other measures to see how they correlate with the numbers, like my mood, or how well my husband and I are connecting. Now what? Thatís the question Iím always asking myself. What do I do now? I bought the Spark to read on the airplane last week. Did it tell me anything I didnít already know? Not really. Though, it did inspire me and reminded me that being positive (or negative) has a big impact onÖeverything. We are capable of a lot more than we allow ourselves to do and be. One of our team challenges earlier this year was to eliminate the self limiting thoughts. I need to remind myself that I create my own reality with the choices I make. And then I need to make that next step and start making different choices!!

As you know, weight loss goes far beyond the number on the scale. It digs into why you are unhappy with your current situation, whether itís your job, finances, or relationships. Losing the weight enables you to peel back the layers and touch on the real issues. Honestly, I feel itís why I havenít made progress this year. Iíve been unwilling to look behind the curtain. I have some communication issues that keep me from being close to my husband. Why does this barrier exist when heís the one person I wish to be closest to? If itís a barrier of my own creation, why can I not own it and even ask the question with more assertion: Why have I created this barrier?

Another reason I havenít made progress is conscious decisions not to. Sounds weird, right? But there are some comforting habits I have that Iím not ready to give up. I watch far too much TV and I eat dinner while watching TV. There. I admitted it. Iíve set goals to eat dinner at the table and to cut back on TV, but theyíre half-hearted. I doubt Iíve even had a one day streak! Iíve read countless stories of people with the same habits. Once they change their lifestyle, there are too many fun alternatives to television. Iím not there yet. But you know what? Once I get over this bloody cold, I think I might start running again. I have my trusty pedometer/stop watch that I got a year or so ago. It was perfect for doing the Spark Rookie Running Program. I enjoyed getting a workout done in less than an hour. What I really liked was how my body responded. Even though weíre heading into winter, I think itís time to think SPRING!!!

So, there you have it: losing weight is just the tip of an iceberg. Weight loss gets more focus because itís physical and canít be overlooked. But we owe it to ourselves to deal with the total package, so we can repair old relationships, nurture new relationships, and create lasting new ones.

Iím looking out the window to a frosty world this morning. Itís cold out there, but the sun is shining and the sky is blue. Will you take advantage of this new day and make different choices to forge that new reality youíve been waiting for? I sure intend to!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TANYA602 11/24/2013 6:16PM

    Fabulous blog - I love how you address your own issues in such a connect-able way. When I first started SP I created a "Personal Contract" using a link I had found on someone's blog and I have it posted in my bathroom cabinet with a pic of me at my heaviest. The days when I know I am being hardest on myself I go straight to that cabinet and actually end up reciting the lines I need to before I even read them. It helps with the positive attitude.
I hope you find the motivation that spring time typically brings you, and yes, if you feel like running, get out and give it a go!
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Sending big hugs!

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REALLY_ROBIN 11/24/2013 10:41AM

  I wish for you the best, including doing what ever it takes to break through these issues. To somehow be able to push the fear aside, and live your very best life. Thank you so much for being so honest and open about what you are dealing with. It helps me to go below the surface and ask what is holding me back...since I've been at this for so long...why haven't I gotten there yet? Hugs Brenda...I am so much the better having become your friend on SP.

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JMARIES51 11/23/2013 5:08PM

    Brenda, great blog. I feel like I could have written it because it is also the same things that I wrestle with daily.
One thing I have decided is just to go through the motions, whether I am feeling like I want to or not. I had to really push myself to get started, but it is getting easier. The whole motivation thing - well, I just decided to start posting some motivational sayings, just to get me in the mood. I think it is helping.
Maybe one day I will be ready to look at those deeper issues, but I know I am not ready yet. emoticon emoticon

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RYDERB 11/23/2013 1:41PM

    OMG! FABULOUS blog Brenda! There's so much here that speaks directly to me! I'm ready to ask myself and answer the tough questions too. emoticon so much for sharing. Sometimes we just need a friend to nudge us in the right direction.
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