I've been talking with a friend lately about one of my biggest struggles: using hurdles/obstacles/roadblocks as an excuse or reason to give up on something I am working towards. And what goes on in my head when I do hit an obstacle sounds something like this: See? Whenever you try to reach your goal, something always happens to stop you. You aren't worthy of achieving this goal, and this is just a sign of your unworthiness and that this path isn't for you. Might as well just give up, because you can't do this. Oh, and might as well also save yourself from this pain in the future too, by never even starting up any other goals because you aren't worthy of those, either and you will always be stopped by these obstacles/signs. I don't think all of this consciously, but in listening more to my inner dialogue more lately I am realizing how I talk like this to myself.
But after talking with my friend John about this and committing to changing this behavior of mine, I had my first test today:
Today was my second day of using the "energy lamp" that my sister bought me when moving from AZ to SD, given my depression issues. Yesterday was great; it was amazing how much it really did help with my mood/energy. So I plugged it in today enthusiastically and guess what? It died. Just like that. Poof. Dead. Aaargh!!
I felt the old thinking patterns come up, "Are you kidding me?! I find something that helps me and it dies after only TWO uses?? Crap! Must be another sign!"
But this time, I caught myself in the middle of this pissy, negative self talk and did something different: Plan B.
First I went through the manuals entire troubleshooting guide; nothing. Then I went to their website to get their phone number, but they are not staffed on weekends. Crud. Still not giving up, I went to their "contact us: link and found that I could send an inquiry directly to their company. Recognizing that the emailed inquiry won't likely be handled any faster than calling them on Monday, I sent one anyway. I didn't want to wait until Monday to give myself two full days to talk myself out of action and into giving up like I have in the past. So I sent them an inquiry that stated that yes, the unit is one year old but was only used TWICE and it is unacceptable that it died and that I expect assistance with a replacement unit.
Who knows how they respond. And I don't even care if they refuse to replace it, I will just move on to the next step by purchasing a new one...from a new company. But the point is that instead of letting it get me down and discourage me that something positive I was doing for my health hit an obstacle ALREADY, I moved on and took action.
Might not seem like much to many of you, but for me it was HUGE. The more I practice moving past obstacles in little ways like this, the better prepared I will be when I hit big ones later on, like running injuries, etc.
I am really quite proud of myself! :)