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    STEPH-KNEE   100,986
100,000-149,999 SparkPoints

Snap Out Of It!

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Saturday, November 23, 2013

emoticon Warning: Tough love ahead! This is from myself to myself, this is just for my accountability and will probably have no interest for anyone else but if you are that bored you are more than welcome to read it ha ha! It might be a tad harsh in places, but it comes from a good place and I'm sturdy I can take it. emoticon

So apparently the last couple of reality checks fell on deaf ears. I see a lot of talk with no action. I keep hearing the following:

"I really need to stop eating like this... emoticon "

"I need to try harder to have better days."

"I am frustrated that I keep doing this, I'll do better tomorrow..."

Funny though, the thoughts are all there, even the action plans aren't too shabby, but then day in and day out you keep making poor choices. Why are you making these choices? I think it's a mixture of a few different reasons....

I think part of it is that you are so close to your goal weight (within 30 pounds) that you are getting nervous about getting to your goal and getting to maintenance. I also know that you plan on having a tummy tuck, and even though it is something you want it is also something super scary. I mean surgery, pain?! *SHRIEKS IN HORROR* I think sometimes you prolong this whole weight loss gig because of your future plans. Well knock it off! Don't worry about what you may or may not chose to do a year from now. Don't sabotage yourself just because you are afraid to reach your goals. I know you are afraid of what might change as you continue losing this weight. You have already lost a "best friend" because of your choices to lose weight, what else might you lose as you lose the rest of this weight? Your true friends and family will love you no matter what, so just remember the people that count will always be there for you. I know you worry that you don't know how to be a "normal sized" person, but I have a feeling it really isn't much different, other than the part where it's less physically exhausting because you don't have to lug around the extra weight. No matter what being "normal sized" might entail, I know you can figure it out!

I also know that "it's the Holidays" and that you absolutely love food. But is that an excuse? Not really. There are tons of people who love food and love the Holidays and enjoy them without gaining weight. There are even those Super Stars who lose weight during the holidays. Now I'm not going to lie to you, Holiday time does present extra obstacles, but with careful planning you could overcome it, you just simply chose not to.

I didn't want to go there, but today was the perfect example. You enjoyed lunch out with your Gammie and your Mom, you even shared some dessert with them. You indulged, but that really wasn't a huge deal. You could have easily been VERY careful the rest of the day and come out with a fairly decent day... but instead you used the idea that the day was already in the toilet, so why not just eat something super unhealthy for dinner too? In fact, I couldn't help but notice that you really let your healthy habits go out the window. You didn't weigh or track your food like you normally do. I have seen you use that food scale almost everyday for a year... so I know that you know how, again you CHOSE not to.

This weight loss journey is all about choices. Each day, each meal, each workout you chose to do or not is all based on your choices. No one can do this for you. You have support, you have the best Spark Friends in the world that continue to encourage you, but they can't do the work for you. They can't prepare your meals and slap unhealthy foods out of your hands... they can't come over and stand over you while you do your workout. They offer advice and support but you need to take that and do the work.

I feel like I shouldn't be having to tell you this right now... do you realize how awesome you are? You have lost 80 pounds! Not only have you lost the weight you have done it your way, on your own terms! How cool is that? You didn't follow any plans, you found a way that works for you and you put a lot of time and effort into it. You made some bad choices along the way but you made more good choices and that is what got you to where you are. So why do you continue to make bad choices? What is the benefit you are getting? I know you think the food is yummy, and I can imagine it tastes good... but does it make you feel good? I know it doesn't because you keep telling yourself you won't continue down this path, but you keep doing it. I know you aren't quitting but is being off track for an extended period of time just a stones throw away from quitting? It just might be! I have faith in you, and I know you will snap out of this, but I just really needed to express my concern for you right now. The pounds aren't piling themselves back on but it just looks like that is where you are headed, so if I could do anything to prevent it, I had to at least try! emoticon

Okay, I'm done talking to myself now. It might seem silly but it has helped me in the past, and all I know is I REALLY need the help right now. I will always fight for this, but I really need to start winning some of the battles. I have had months at a time where this was second nature to me and so easy, and I have had weeks where it was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know if I can make it past this rough time that I will find my way back to where things come easily. I just need to do the work to get back to that happy place. :) emoticon

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SIMONEKP 11/23/2013 1:36PM

    I am jumoing on the tough love bandwagon and this is coming from a good place. You do really need to snap out of it. This type of prolonged "off plan" behavior can become permanent again. I know you're fight for it and I want you to keep doing that but try just a little harder, afterall, we don't want to have to re-lose the weight you've already lost, do we?

Love you!

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FLAGLINDA 11/23/2013 1:30PM

    Steph I read your blogs almost everyday. You have been a HUGE inspiration to me emoticon If thinking about getting to your goal is scary then just concentrate on the next 5 lbs or next 1 lbs. There is no need to think 30 lbs down the road.
I have made a commitment to myself to weigh less on New Years than I did on Halloween emoticon Make sure that you are using your trackers, even on bad days . Putting the food on the tracker makes it real for me. I know my body is going to be counting every single one of those calories!! emoticon
Just hang in there. Read some success stories. You can get through this rough patch!! emoticon

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HEYRED221 11/23/2013 1:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

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STITCHLADY55 11/23/2013 1:02PM

  Well said. I needed to hear this Thanks emoticon emoticon

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CHUBRUB3 11/23/2013 12:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KIKKI-G 11/23/2013 12:48PM

    First off, you must be doing something right if you are only 30lbs away from your goal weight...Congrats for just that alone.
Secondly, I feel you on the fear of not knowing how to live as a "normal sized person". I also have that fear. I have always been a confident bigger girl who knows how to dress for her body & always rocked it. This morning I was thinking on my way to work that I am scared that I wont know how to rock it now being a smaller size, even though its something that I've wished for my whole life, to be able to walk into a store & wear whatever I want. Silly I know. Just know you're not alone in these fears & we are all swimming into new territory together. Keep rocking it.

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MOVEITMARY 11/23/2013 12:40PM

    I love your candid blogs, please keep them coming! emoticon

I sure can relate to the Fear of the Knife. I have an ankle tendon injury that is looking like it will need to be repaired and just the thought of it makes me feel ill. Just take one step at a time - the only step you need to worry about right now is GET HEALTHY.

In the meantime, maybe you could transform the way you perceive that loose skin - I had an a-ha moment about my "chicken wings" a while back. We now have visual aids to show how much fat we have lost and no longer have to carry around, and that is actually pretty amazing. Just like any other scar, it is a reminder of the battles we have fought.

As for TRYING to make good choices...

"Do, or do not. There is no try."
~ Yoda

Comment edited on: 11/23/2013 12:41:48 PM

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PJDANIELS 11/23/2013 12:39PM

    Thank you for sharing! I really needed to hear this today, all of this, and could have written a lot of it.

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I_CAN_AMY 11/23/2013 11:20AM

    I am proud of you for being aware of the choices you are making. You have to be proud of yourself for learning how to be so in tune with your decision making :-)

You can do it, one decision at a time. And I'll like you no matter what!

emoticon emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 11/23/2013 11:08AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SMILINGEYES2 11/23/2013 10:53AM

    Great self talk. Remember to always be a cheerleader also for yourself as you develop the habits you desire. Best wishes on this journey.

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COCK-ROBIN 11/23/2013 10:24AM

    I need that talk to myself as well. I've had a bad year.

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MOTHEPRO 11/23/2013 10:07AM

    Keep fighting!

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MARYBETH4884 11/23/2013 9:57AM

    You and Sparky just need to go for a walk when the urge to eat gets overwhelming!! Don't worry about the future focus on now! We'll be here to help when maintenance gets near or becomes a problem. When it's time for a tummy tuck I'm sure there are people here to advise, answer questions and support about that. The whole point of this journey is to living a healthy life. Start living it now and take time to enjoy your progress thus far. Note your improved health and your NSVs, choose your path!

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MOLLIEJEAN2 11/23/2013 9:49AM

    Thanks for this, needed to hear it too. Tough love works so keep on trucking, listen to yourself and make the best choices that you know needs to be done. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GRACE1054 11/23/2013 9:18AM

    Say one good thing about yourself and your body every day. Eventually, you'll come to believe it.....Coach Nichole

The great thing about life is that every day is a new day and new chance to make more right choices than "wrong" choices. We've all been where you are and we will all be there again.


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VICKYMARIEC 11/23/2013 9:12AM

    Oh my was as if you were talking to me. Go after it girl. Don't allow the unknown to hinder you. You've worked hard to get where you are now...just keep going one day at a time. You'll look back and love the journey.

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LIVINHEALTHY9 11/23/2013 9:08AM

    Great blog!
And I can certainly use some tough love myself. Thanks for the reality check.

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ZELLAZM 11/23/2013 8:56AM

    You are indeed awesome! and thanks for the reminder about CHOICES! Someone wanted me to hear that today because a friend also posted a significant quote on Facebook this morning that started me thinking in that direction.

So....let's make good choices today, shall we?
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/23/2013 8:56:19 AM

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CAT125 11/23/2013 8:49AM

    You're going to do it! Your body is just preparing for that final part of the journey!

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ELSAT137 11/23/2013 8:47AM

    Steph -
Great blog. I could write a similar one right now. I am struggling too. I am 5 lbs from my goal and the struggle is still the same. I know what to do and what to eat but I choose to do exactly the opposite. I think part of it is fear of failure, in general. Fear that I will fail and put the weight back on. Fear that it is the holidays and I will gain -so why try?- why not just eat whatever? I need some strict accountability so if you would like to keep each other accountable over the holidays, I would love that.

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BABIESTEPS 11/23/2013 8:41AM

    I think you should listen to you! You are committed, you've shown that! You know what else you me and I'm sure to others! That's one thing you didn't tell yourself but you should know that. You are Strong and you're WORTH the fight, whatever it takes to help you get there! I have total faith that you WILL reach your ultimate goal to get Healthy and Fit!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WHOVIANGIRL23 11/23/2013 8:32AM

    Aw, your blog made me cry! The part about being scared to get to your goal really hit with me.. I mean I still have 40 or 50 lbs left depending on where I decide to stop and switch to maintaining, but it's still terrifying! All we have ever know is our fat side, and embracing (and living with) our health sides is something that takes a LOT of adjusting to. I really hope this blog helps you, because you so so so SO deserve success! You've come so so far already, and I know you don't want to throw that all away! Say to yourself LOUDLY that you deserve this (sounds silly but I do it to myself a lot) and you will start to believe it. emoticon

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LIONESS822 11/23/2013 8:29AM

    This was fabulous & actually hit very close to home for me. I have lose 100 lbs myself. Just hit the 100lb mark & am freaking out that I am smaller than I have been in 25 years! I have another 130lbs til my goal, so Im not as close as you. I need lots of cans of whoop ass....but...

We have to remember WE ARE WORTH IT! WE ARE FABULOUS!

Please add me as a Sparkfriend... Im gonna add you. I want to follow your journey!


Lori emoticon

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CARINEVE 11/23/2013 8:25AM

    I know you can get back on track!
You are honest with yourself, just keep tracking what you eat and I am sure you will come around and find your way back. emoticon
We all make bad choices once in a while, and sometimes you just don't feel like sticking to the program, but you want to limit the "damage".
As long as you keep trying to find good days as well, and start doing your work outs again, the moment will come again when it all becomes easier again. emoticon

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BARBARAROSE54 11/23/2013 8:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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    This was well done and well written actually. Not too harsh at all and yet honest.

You pointed out something here: fear of the upcoming tummy tuck. Yes, I'm certain that is a scary thought. I know I don't like going under the knife.

Look deeper though. We go between the disgust of our sorry arse past miserable self and total fear of what our future self may be like. This effects all of us on the path of most resistance.

Will you still be loved as much by your Gammy? I'm sure you will, but that fear still is there lurking in the dark perhaps. WHO WILL YOU BE??? Is more to the point and a swift kick in the ego.

We can do this dance, do another dance, get off the dance floor, or face the music. Whatever we choose we choose.

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