Lately I have literally no drive, no will to get moving on anything. I am wasting a whole lotta time doing nothing to speak of, and not spending time doing stuff I really would like to be doing - like reading some good books - and not spending time doing stuff that really, REALLY needs to get done. I think I have the ‘winter blues’.
Today while I was sitting around doing nothing (again) I noticed my big toe is pulling upwards more. Doctors have told me “this is due to brain damage from little strokes, and also from MS lesions”.
So, I guess that tells me I am continuing to have further ‘brain damage’ if my tendons are contracting even more. Ahhh… Funny, I don’t feel more ‘brain damaged’.
I do know I have some brain damage from the strokes though, as my memory isn’t what it used to be, and my I.Q. isn’t quite as high either. But, I seem to have enough to suffice. Certainly a lot more than some (uhhh, namely Chuck.).
I still read materials that others would have a serious time following, so I guess the brain damage isn’t THAT bad.
Where my brain damage mostly shows - to me - is that I lost quite a bit of my organizational skills. I used to be super-organizer woman!!! I could do almost anything I set my mind to. And I did do way more than I should have years back. Maybe that’s why my organizational skills dimmed; they just got ‘burned out’ from doing way too much for way too long.
I know I really (notice) my sense of disorganization when I am trying to ‘catch up’ on all I am behind in. Especially since I got Mocha 1 year and 9 months ago, and with him I have to divide my attention between what I am trying to do, and keeping an eye on what he may be up to. And, with my ‘brain damage’ I have a really difficult time doing things when my attention is so divided. So, when my attention has to be so divided I tend to just get frustrated and quit doing what I am doing, and go sit in front of my computer or in my recliner; places where it is easy to focus on the computer or tv and yet keep an eye on my ‘little monster’. Yes, I love him, but my organizational skills have further deteriorated since I got him. But then, looking at my big toe’s tendon contracting and pulling my big toe upwards, maybe… just maybe… I have more ‘brain damage’. If I do it would be from more mini-strokes (definitely a possibility as Chuck put my BP totally through the roof a week ago Friday November 15th). I’m sure it isn’t from MS lesions as my MS hasn‘t flaired up at all.
I’m not gonna worry about it though. Just going to keep trying to go forward trying to make whatever improvements in my life and lifestyle as I can.
I may also have no ‘drive’ just because of being SO exhausted, from: spending November 15 with Chuck (the day from H#LL), and from 3 weeks of CPAP problems (which I think are now rectified). I got a (another) NEW CPAP yesterday to replace the NEW CPAP I had gotton less than 2 weeks ago. That one still was off-gassing plastic fumes. The NEWEST NEW CPAP doesn’t seem to off-gas. But, I am running it during the day (without me attached) just to be sure I get ALL fumes out of it. And, meantime I am using my 14 year old CPAP (that I just love, love, LOVE). Ahhh, how much I wish I could get another one like that. It just gently rumbles me to sleep.
Anyway, I am now hoping to catch up on a lot of the sleep I have lost in the last 3 weeks.
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IQ Range --- Classification
140 and over --- Genius or near genius
120-140 --- Very superior intelligence (I used to be HERE.)
110-120 --- Superior intelligence (If I were tested now I am pretty sure I would test in this category, as I have been off all 'mind dulling' medications for a few years now.)
90-110 --- Normal or average intelligence (Tested HERE 10 years ago, but at that time I was pretty 'dulled out' on medications.)
80-90 --- Dullness
70-80 --- Borderline deficiency
Below 70 --- Definite feeble-mindedness