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    FRESH_START10   3,823
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1 Week Later

Friday, November 22, 2013

Wow, it's been a week since my last post. Is it any surprise that the week following the best one ever would totally suck?

Last Saturday I got to spend time with family to celebrate my mom's birthday, which meant getting to see my nephew and niece, who was sick. I wish I could run around with snot pouring down my face and still smile and giggle like she does. I'm not even kidding. I've never seen her look like she feels yucky. If I could have half her energy...

Of course, practically the whole family got sick. I got the plague apparently. Monday I had a sore throat. No big deal, I took some Zicam to get ahead of what I recognized was my version of Laura's runny nose. Every time I see her and she is sick, I get what she has. No worries. I'm on top of it.

Tuesday was my first day at work. No worries there either. Throat was a little sore any time I swallowed but I was downing tea and cough drops like it was no one's business. I'm going to kick this thing in the butt.

End of the day on Tuesday, between a long work day on my feet, bending over, talking a lot, running around and doing a heck of a lot more physical activity than I have done in three years, left me feeling very congested and overall kind of yucky. By the time I made it home I could feel a sinus headache coming on. Why couldn't it have been chest congestion?

Wednesday morning. 5 AM. Slight fever. HORRIBLE sinus headache. Migraine? Sinus migraine? Do they have those? I did. Oh and I threw up. For the first time in almost 15 years. Call in sick on my second day of work. Sheesh.

Wednesday was miserable. Not only am I the biggest baby in the world when it comes to being sick, I was hurting from my gauntlet of activity the day before, frustrated by the ill timed illness (ha!) and trying not to cry because I knew that would only hurt my head more. UGH!

I at least pulled out of it enough to attempt my second day yesterday. And for the most part it went fairly well. I sounded better, felt better, albeit with a very runny nose. That persisted all day. Then by the time 11 pm rolled around and I wasn't entirely finished with my chores, 11:15 passed and I finally clocked out.

And found my car covered in a quarter inch of solid ice and a half inch of snow. In that order. I'd watched it come down all day. And did not have the foresight to try and start my car before leaving. Another fifteen minutes of scraping, more like stabbing ice with my scraper, and I could finally see enough to drive.

And then remembered that I was on empty. Thank God I work at a gas station. Then another 5 minutes of trying to chip away at the iced over fuel cap that can only be opened with the little button inside my car. I was a little impressed that I even got the sucker open, but then I was mostly just cold. Again, freezing rain, snow and I didn't think to bring my coat. Or hat. Or gloves.

Did I mention I'm trying to get over being sick?

So we begin today. Well, I began today at 10:15. With a headache, though I'm not sure if it's more sinus pressure or the persistent pain in my neck that I suspect is from having been beaten with a baseball bat in my sleep. No. Crowbar. Yup, I definitely think someone played teeball with my head last night when I was asleep.

I should go see my chiropractor, but then again that kind of feels pointless considering how poorly everything else is going. I meant to write this in an email to someone here, but then I thought I should just share it with everyone. Why? I'm not sure. More support, more ideas? Or maybe I'm just trying to get comments from people :P Totally kidding. Ideas yes. Pity party. No. Resounding no.

In all honesty though, I am doing such a horrible job of looking after myself right now. My sleep schedule is shot to heck, I'm doing well if I can eat more than once a day, and eat something other than ramen. Seriously, I just looked at the ingredient list on one. The few things I can identify without the aid of a periodic table of elements, I know are the very things I should be trying to avoid. Wheat, soy, sugar, etc. Salt is technically a good thing, but not in the form of 720 mg of sodium.

But right now, that's the only thing I can bring myself to make. I'm lazy enough on a good day, let alone when I'm sick, or busy, or whatever else. And all it takes is a little water, 3 minutes getting zapped in the microwave, and it tastes really good. Plus this kind has spoonable noodles. I'm not even joking. Spoonable noodles. Spoonable. Noodles.

To be fair though, there was a reason I never took the kind with unspoonable noodles to work. I don't even want to watch myself trying to wrangle spaghetti length noodles into my mouth, why would anyone else? So spoonable, MSG, soy lecithin, enriched autolyzed noodles it is.

Is it bad that I feel like it's pointless to try until my boyfriend and I are together? I have such a hard time doing what I know is right for myself, and yet I look after him all the time and try to encourage him to be healthier. I'd make a great doctor. Good at taking care of others, kills self in the process. I know that in order to take care of others, I have to take care of myself first, but it's so easy to reverse that order.

Add that to the long list of failed attempts I've made and it's no wonder I've practically given up. But my boyfriend has more faith in me than I do. And he's the same way I am. Takes care of everyone around him, puts himself last. So maybe when we're together, we'll be ok. If I take care of him and he takes care of me, then we don't have to take care of ourselves.

He is so wonderfully supportive and he really does try to encourage me to make better choices, but that's still hard to do when you're alone day in and day out. We have been discussing what the next step in our relationship is lately, and for so many reasons I am ready to move forward with him.

*I love him and he loves me
*We've been separated for far too long
*He is respectful and gets along with my family, especially my niece and nephew (I'm old news once they figured out he can throw them higher in the air than I can. Fine.)
*He's my best friend and I can tell him anything
*We don't fight (I go crazy from time to time and say stupid things in angry tones, but he calms me down somehow)
*Our life goals are compatible, as are many other things about our lives and personalities. Lots of balance and harmony between us

But if I am being entirely honest, one reason is that I am kind of ready to have someone take care of me.

I don't think that's wrong, do you? Everyone wants to be taken care of at some point right? And it's not like I'm just going to give up everything and make him live my life for me. I feel like we just complement each other so nicely. We have enough similar interests to enjoy together, and plenty of differences to argue (nicely) and learn from each other. I feel that we're pretty evenly matched in terms of intellect. He may or may not agree to that, but just because I'm the better speller that does not mean I'm smarter. Just when it comes to spelling :) He could school me in math, science and medicine. And technology. And law. And anything mechanically related.

We both want the best for each other, we have similar life goals. We come from very different backgrounds, but we share some interesting life experience. I know there is no perfect person, or couple or relationship, but I do believe very firmly that two people can be perfect for each other. And I think he's perfect for me. I hope I'm perfect for him too.

Hm, I hope that didn't sound like a brag fest or anything. Cory (sometimes I call him Jack) is just one of the few constants in my life, one of the few people on whom I can rely, and one of the few parts of my life that makes me consistently happy. I guess in the midst of sickness, and chaos and strife, that just makes the good parts shine brighter. And he's my bright spot.

Ok, I'm going to stop now before I make myself puke again. My romanticism only goes so far. I could talk about him all day long, but a little gushing goes a long way with me. Besides, I can hear him in my head now, threatening to change my Wi-Fi password if I don't get something done soon haha. Might as well tackle some laundry so he'll give me Pinterest back.

Tough love. Sheesh.
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FRESH_START10 11/23/2013 12:50AM

    Thank you for your kind comment. I definitely don't like being sick but I've been sick more the past few years than I ever have. And that's why I'm here to change all that. I guess it's life though. Just gotta tough it out.

I really hope we can move forward together soon. That'll really give me something to work out for!

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FRAN0426 11/22/2013 5:06PM

    Soorry to hear you have been having such a well, rotten week with sickness. It isn' fun having to call in sick the second day of a new job, then still not feeling the best when you decide not to take another sick day.
It sure seems like you are a happy compatable couple who understands what each others needs, and enjoy being together and wants the best for each other--thats a good foundation in order to take that next step. I wish only the best for the both of you.

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