Friday, November 22, 2013
This weight loss journey has been a slow one for me, yes I am seeing good results but those results have taken an insane amount of time to show themselves. I had my second daughter August of 2012 since that time I have lost 39lbs which sounds like a lot but the first 20 came off relatively fast with breast feeding. Once I hit 175 weight loss pretty much slowed down to an unbearably slow pace. Each loss following a horrible battle bouncing between a 3 lb range over and over again. Apparently that's how my body loses.
I know I have had those days/months when I say I'm sick of counting calories I'm sick of spending my free time kicking my own butt in the gym I'm going to do what I want. But that never lasts long I inevitably remember why I'm doing this and find my way back, each time learning something new from the latest slip up. In all the years of being on spark, of trying all the different weight loss fads out there-restrictive diets, pills, patches (yes they had a weight loss patch) shakes, cleanses, gym memberships and just about every workout dvd known to man-I feel pretty confident that I have accumulated a good amount of knowledge on the subject allowing me a pretty good logical view of it all. And it always comes back to the same thing eat clean get your heart rate up and don't forget your ST. Duh right? But here's my problem I do this and the scale still plays its games with me. I have been in the 157-160 range since August that's 4 months bopping around the same 4lbs! Most days this doesn't both me, today is not one of those days.
Now back to all that accumulated knowledge, logically I know that I am still losing, I'm just losing inches instead of lbs. I am building muscle and burning fat, this is good! This is what you want! Logically I know 1 lb of muscle takes up less space than 1lb of fat. I can hear the compliments from others on my weight loss and see the giant increase in energy and know I am doing this right. I understand that I do ALOT of ST, because I love it I love how I feel when I do it and I want to be toned and I know, logically, that lots of ST means lots of muscle gain (not bulky muscle, lean muscle don't freak out on me people) which means higher calorie burn...again all good things.
Yet all of this logic swimming around in my head can't seem to make those bad days go away. They can't erase the feeling of disappointment when I step on the scale to realize once again that I am at 158. Even after 2 weeks of hard core clean eating, even after doubling up on my daily workouts and some days tripling up. I know its all in my head, this is just a number it doesn't matter. I have preached that line to so many people I think I probably mumble it in my sleep, but today is one of those days when logic doesn't matter. I'm crabby and frustrated at seeing 158 again this morning. Today I want to call my sister and whine about it (even though her skinny butt would never understand) I want to sit around on the couch at my mom's with her eating cake and crying about the unfairness of it all. Tomorrow I will remember that the number doesn't matter. That no one knows my weight unless I tell them but everyone can see how much more fit I look, they can SEE the inches I lost they can't see into my bathroom at 6:30 in the morning to glimpse that number. I know this but today I just don't care, tomorrow I will be logical, today I'm going to eat some cake.