Wednesday, November 20, 2013
It's been a rough day, and it's only 2:30pm. I guess the roughness started last night. When I got back from dance class last night, I texted my mom just to let her know I was thinking about her, since she would be starting chemo today. Since it was about 9pm my time and 11pm her time, I figured she would be asleep, but instead she called me immediately and I was up on the phone with her for a while because she was feeling pretty upset and scared about starting chemo. I dont blame her, and I wanted to be there for her. But by the time we got off the phone, I was feeling pretty drained, and then I had to process my own emotions, so didnt sleep very well last night. The truth is, that even though I know she is very lucky they caught it early, and the chemo is really preventitive, I am still just so, scared for her :(
I had to go up to the Academy this morning for a briefing, and it was a cluster when I got there. Since the briefing was in the cadet area, and I dont have access, I need someone to escort me. So when I got to the office I always go to, they just fought with each other over who could be inconvenienced to escort me. Seriously? They are the ones who invite me to give the briefings - they could at least get this stuff taken care of. Then I had to sit through an hour of this briefing before it was my turn to talk, and my mind was 1000 miles away with my mom, and I really just didnt have the energy. J did come and have lunch with me afterwards but he was in a bad mood because he's been staying up late trying to get caught up on his grading and his crankiness was showing. Then, I couldnt find someone to escort me back out of the cadet area and J had a meeting so I was stuck and felt like I was just this huge burden on everyone. J's meeting ended up getting pushed back by 15 minutes, so we literally ran down to the gate so he could badge me out and then get back to his meeting. By the time I got to my car I just wanted to burst into tears. But I still had to go back to my office and get my own actual work done. *sigh*
I ended up stopping at my house on the way back to play with my dog for a little bit, and eat some pieces of dark chocolate. I seriously was about to burst into a tantrum in the car because I was so stressed and upset and all I wanted was a chocolate chip cookie and I cant even eat them unless they are gluten and dairy free. But of course, that tantrum would be stupid.
Now I am back in my office. But I am leaving early to go to the gym - earlier than normal. I need to run. I need to do a T25 workout also. And I have to take my dog to the vet to get a vaccine. And all I really want to do is sew. Because when I am sewing quilt pieces together, it's a repetitive motion and it helps calm me down. *sigh again*
I did make breaded chicken tenders for dinner last night using almond flour, and it actually tasted pretty decent. I guess that's a plus. And I did go to dance class last night after missing two weeks agaon, and I remembered the dance. So another plus. I just want this week to be over and I want the world to make everything better for my family and my mom, and everyone else who is struggling so close to the holidays.