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Rough Day

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

It's been a rough day, and it's only 2:30pm. I guess the roughness started last night. When I got back from dance class last night, I texted my mom just to let her know I was thinking about her, since she would be starting chemo today. Since it was about 9pm my time and 11pm her time, I figured she would be asleep, but instead she called me immediately and I was up on the phone with her for a while because she was feeling pretty upset and scared about starting chemo. I dont blame her, and I wanted to be there for her. But by the time we got off the phone, I was feeling pretty drained, and then I had to process my own emotions, so didnt sleep very well last night. The truth is, that even though I know she is very lucky they caught it early, and the chemo is really preventitive, I am still just so, scared for her :(

I had to go up to the Academy this morning for a briefing, and it was a cluster when I got there. Since the briefing was in the cadet area, and I dont have access, I need someone to escort me. So when I got to the office I always go to, they just fought with each other over who could be inconvenienced to escort me. Seriously? They are the ones who invite me to give the briefings - they could at least get this stuff taken care of. Then I had to sit through an hour of this briefing before it was my turn to talk, and my mind was 1000 miles away with my mom, and I really just didnt have the energy. J did come and have lunch with me afterwards but he was in a bad mood because he's been staying up late trying to get caught up on his grading and his crankiness was showing. Then, I couldnt find someone to escort me back out of the cadet area and J had a meeting so I was stuck and felt like I was just this huge burden on everyone. J's meeting ended up getting pushed back by 15 minutes, so we literally ran down to the gate so he could badge me out and then get back to his meeting. By the time I got to my car I just wanted to burst into tears. But I still had to go back to my office and get my own actual work done. *sigh*

I ended up stopping at my house on the way back to play with my dog for a little bit, and eat some pieces of dark chocolate. I seriously was about to burst into a tantrum in the car because I was so stressed and upset and all I wanted was a chocolate chip cookie and I cant even eat them unless they are gluten and dairy free. But of course, that tantrum would be stupid.

Now I am back in my office. But I am leaving early to go to the gym - earlier than normal. I need to run. I need to do a T25 workout also. And I have to take my dog to the vet to get a vaccine. And all I really want to do is sew. Because when I am sewing quilt pieces together, it's a repetitive motion and it helps calm me down. *sigh again*

I did make breaded chicken tenders for dinner last night using almond flour, and it actually tasted pretty decent. I guess that's a plus. And I did go to dance class last night after missing two weeks agaon, and I remembered the dance. So another plus. I just want this week to be over and I want the world to make everything better for my family and my mom, and everyone else who is struggling so close to the holidays.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Big hugs!!! I'm sorry to hear about your Mom, I'm sending the both of you positive energy thoughts!
    1068 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Next time go ahead and have the outburst in your car. It's a safe and private place, and you'll feel better. Hang in there.

    Quilting is satisfying for me too - not just the repetitive motion, but the feeling that I'm accomplishing something.
    1068 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/21/2013 9:02:21 AM
    that's a lot of stress to carry. hang in there!
    1068 days ago
    Bad days are the worst. I hope your mom's first chemo treatment went well today and the fear of the unknown is now gone.

    I hope the rest of your week flies by and there are no more bad days.

    1069 days ago
    Sorry about the day....I hate those ones where it just all adds up and adds up until you just want to burst out screaming or crying! But of course we don't cause the guys would be embarassed, LOL!

    Great job on not tantruming, but we all feel that way at times.

    Hope your mom's chemo went smoothly, and as you say, it'll work out fine but is still scary. emoticon
    1069 days ago
    Oh man, rough day--and that's an understatement. I hope your mom is doing well and she has a good healthcare team on board--it may help to ease some of her worries. Hope you are able to find some time to decompress, as a nurse I've found the diagnosis can be harder on the relatives than the patient. Playing with the dog and dark chocolate are good! Hang in there-- emoticon .
    1069 days ago
    awwww.... rough days are just rough, no two ways about it. And sometimes there's no relief, you just have to plug on through....

    Prayers for both your mom and you. It's a scary situation, but it sounds like there's a strong potential for a positive outcome!

    Hang in there.
    1069 days ago
    1069 days ago
    One of my sons works as a civilian contractor for National Security Agency in DC. He is always complaining about how difficult it is to get in to deliver briefings even though he is there on a regular basis. I guess there is a purpose behind it but it is a cluster! at the moment. Hugs for you and your mom. I know it must be hard being so far away. Your vacation home is almost here!
    1069 days ago
    Oh, that does sound like a tough day. emoticon

    I'm glad that you managed to fit in a few minutes of playing with your dog and eating some dark chocolate to help ease your stress - and well done for not giving in to cravings for a chocolate chip cookie that wouldn't have been good for your body on account of the gluten and dairy stuff.

    It sounds like you're doing Really Well despite many difficulties and stresses. So WELL DONE - you can be proud of yourself.

    And as for your mom - I'll say a prayer for you both now as I go to bed.

    God bless - and sleep well!

    1069 days ago
    1069 days ago
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